Thursday, May 10, 2007

People I Hate

It's Thursday, and you know what that means: Wyatt's high colonic appointment is fast approaching. Oh. I mean, it's time for another action-packed edition of People I Hate. All aboard!

Teresa Earnhardt

I hate to kick a broad when she's down - unless she's into that - but Teresa really dropped the restrictor plate when she failed to re-sign stepson Dale Earnhardt, Jr yesterday. Junior, NASCAR's hottest commodity, is now a free agent, and will make one lucky owner very, very happy next season. If teammate Martin Truex, Jr follows suit, Teresa's Dale Earnhardt Incorporated (DEI) will return only one driver - suckass Paul Menard. Sssteve is a better driver than this stiff! Good job, Teresa; your husband is turning left in his grave.

Yesterday's Idiot Sean Hannity Caller

Yeah, I know, no one probably heard this putz, but he really made my head explode. Some moron called Sean Hannity yesterday afternoon - yeah, I don't like Hannity, but what are ya gonna do? - and wanted to "discuss" the Fort Dix terror plot. The caller's discussion, however, was a lengthy diatribe about how no one should ever report anything suspicious. Here's the gist of the conversation:

Hannity - "So, you think the clerk should not have called 911 after viewing the terror tape?"
Idiot - "That's right."
Hannity - "Even though that call almost certainly saved lives?"
Idiot - "Yeah."

It was about this time that I drove my SUV into a ditch. The caller went on to say that calls like the one the clerk made almost always are the result of hysteria, and would lead to violence against Muslims. Of course, he couldn't explain his point, but I didn't expect him to do so.

Look, my detective division gets dozens of "suspicious activity" calls a day. Most of them are dismissible the second you hear the words "aliens" or "death rays." But if we get a call about a possible terror tape, we damned well better respond. Obviously, this caller disagrees. Dope.

Gym Rats

As I mentioned yesterday, I returned to the gym after a two-month absence. Lacrosse took too much of my time - not that that's an excuse. Any hoo, I went back and made the idiotic decision to work out with the same weight I was using months ago. Not smart. I don't lift much, since I am a 500-pound weakling, but I try. After I was struggling with my third set, a few of the muscle-heads looked over and smiled. I guess I was the entertainment for the day. Sure, I was using weights with pink covers on them, but they had no right to laugh!!!

My point is this: the reason people (like me) go to the gym is to get in shape and feel good about ourselves. The last thing we need is The Beautiful People snickering at us during our workout. I was a little demoralized, so I hit the elliptical for 35 minutes. Bastards!

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