Meet Olivia Merriex, From Florida

Along with felony narcotics counts, a Florida Woman has been charged with animal cruelty after cops executing a search warrant found a large tortoise “living among piles of trash and debris” in her ramshackle property, court records show.

The raid Tuesday on the Clearwater home of Olivia Merriex, 33, was triggered by the suspect’s prior sale of Ecstasy to an undercover office, according to police who termed her residence a known “drug house” used to store or sell narcotics.

Olivia lives in a shite-hole, and has nothing to do... because she probably doesn't have a job.

Well, she does have a job - kinda - while holding cocaine, Ecstasy, and DMP (a so-called designer drug).

If nothing else, she lost her large tortoise which was taken from the SWAT team.

Let's hope the tortoise doesn't have the same hairdo that Olivia. Yikes!

A 44-Year Old Man Offered To Sanctuary For His Dog And His Pig

A Portland man found himself homeless at 44 years of age, along with his dog and a 250-lbs. pet pig.

But the fire department’s special homeless assistance team got the man and arranged for a trip home to his family in Chicago, and for the Roscoe the pig, a spot in the state’s largest farm animal rescue sanctuary.

A burst appendix, an inability to work, a mortal heart attack: Tony James suddenly found himself a jobless widower living out of his car. Tony James only shelter was his car, which he shared with his dog Elvis a fully grown Göttingen breed pig that his deceased wife had adopted 3 years before.

Amid the tragedy, Portland Fire & Rescue’s Community Health Assess and Treat (CHAT) team identified James as someone on the brink, and stepped in to help, offering him transport to his family’s home in Chicago, and to find a sanctuary for Roscoe.

Within a day, CHAT had contacted the Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary in Scio, Oregon, the largest of its kind in the state, and home to some 300 farm animals.

Driving Roscoe to his new home, executive director of Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary‘s executive director Gwen Jakubisin got to watch the man bid farewell to a pig he had cared for even without a roof over his head.

“It was actually quite emotional because the bond between Tony and Roscoe was very apparent,” Jakubisin told Samantha Swindler at Oregon Live. “They love each other very much. We were all crying.”

Tony James loved his pig, and he was devastated when Roscoe had to go.

It's a darn show. Tony really loved that pig.

The Nose Noses

I have always had problems with my body. The nose had been a problem with cancer and my nose usually gets sliced on my nose by the doctor.

This time, I am getting my nose straightened on December 2nd. The nose has been on the side, which is really a problem.

The doctor said the procedure - he wants it straightened in the nose - and the procedure should only take about fifteen to twenty minutes.

I'll be knocked out during the procedure and hopefully I won't have to sniff.

The doctor is really good, and hopefully, I'll be able to breath through my nose.

Minnesota Man Walks Out Naked With A Chain Saw

Throwing caution and his clothes to the wind, a 66-year-old Minnesota man was spotted outside his home “chain sawing while ‘butt-ass naked,’” according to police who say the suspect has frequently been spotted in the altogether by neighbors.

Paul Severson was charged Tuesday with disorderly conduct in connection with alleged nude displays outside his residence in the city of Lake Crystal.

After interviewing multiple witnesses, a sheriff’s deputy observed a nude Severson “appear from beside a shed.”

The cop advised Severson that he “could not be naked outside with children around and people driving by.”

Neighbors reported that Severson did “yardwork while nude,” with one eyewitness saying the suspect “was chain sawing while ‘butt-ass naked.’”

I mean, Minnesota is cold enough, they should probably put on some underwear, or at lease socks.

Well, Here We Are

The department finally released the shackles and allowed me to blog again.

I won't lie. Very few people look at the blog anymore. I tried to send out people who haven't been around.

It's okay, and I will try to keep blogging. It's difficult when you haven't been blogging for two years.

It was also difficult now that I am a retired police detective. The pension money is really good, which helps at home.

So, if you want to take a look at the blog, it'll be there every day.

Even if you don't want to be here.

Where's My Turkey... Jerky

After being arrested for breaking into a Circle K store at 2:15 AM yesterday and stealing a bag of beef jerky, an Illinois man told police, “I know you are going to think I’m crazy, but there is an AI intelligence speaker in my neck,” according to court records.

Police charge that Kohl Bertels, 33, kicked in the front glass door of the convenience store in St. Charles, Missouri and then climbed into the locked business and “proceeded to eat a bag of beef jerky and drink a sweet tea that he did not pay for.”

When cops arrived at Circle K, Bertels was detained and asked about the break-in. Bertels reportedly confessed, saying that, “the voices in my head told me to kick it open since it was locked,” and that he “just wanted to use the bathroom.”

Bertels claims he has an AI speaker in his head.

Well, with a giant bald head, it's possible with there is something in that skull.

You Gotta Love People Who Work Hard

So me and the Mrs Earp went to the Pension Board on Friday. Everything went very well.

Well, not very well.

Yesterday, I received an email from the Pension Board. I figured it was something bad.

I looked at the email, and saw something weird.

I thought something went worse on my side.

Nope.

There was an error, and the Pensions sent my money from 25 years. Obviously, that was not the situation. I read the rest of the email, and instead on 3,700, they fixed it and it is now $4,300.

Wow, I'm really glad the Pensions got everything right.

Meet Angel Lynn Curl, Obviously Someone Who Really Loved Cutting Hair... And Other Things

After a planned sexual threesome failed to materialize, a Florida Woman “became angry” and pummeled her boyfriend in the face, an alleged attack witnessed by the woman who had been invited to the couple’s residence for some group sex, police report.

I'm not going to lie, she is definitely pretty, but I'd rather keep my bones instead.

However, the coitus plan was interrupted, cops say, when “all parties declined participating in sexual activity.” An arrest affidavit does not reveal why the tryst was aborted.

One thinks the abortion should have been done the second they saw her. Yikes!

Again, she is very pretty, but I think I will steer away from Florida for a while.

Meet Danan Ary From Iowa

Tired of your “blah” life? Seeking some “excitement”?

Well, an Iowa man in that exact position recently sought to shake off the blues by exposing himself to cars passing by on two separate interstates, police charge.

Twice last month, cops say, Danan Ary, 30, stood against the rear of his 2012 Chevrolet Impala “with his pants and underwear removed to his ankles and shirt lifted to casually expose his genitals and abdomen to oncoming traffic” in suburban Iowa City.

You would think Danan would be a fabulous deni-god, but no, Danan just gets his willies by showing his junk toward card driving by.

Well, maybe he'll trip over his... um, thing as a car runs it over.

Well, This Was... Um, Something. Philadelphia's 7th District Is Using Its Auxiliary Police Unit

Big Changes In The 7th District, and using people using people on 18 years of older.

In early 2026 the PPD will start its Auxiliary Police unit. This will be a VOLUNTEER, UNIFORMED position.

Okay, the 7th District is not a place where there are a lot of crime, but having 18 years olds walking the streets, especially if they are eighteens.

Volunteers will be trained at the Philadelphia Police Academy and must commit to 20 hours per month working at high profile events throughout the City.

This is the best part. If there are issues, they will send these people across the city. Yeah, great idea!

Responsibilities will increase over time but will never involve making arrests or carrying weapons. Applications are not yet being accepted but watch our page for updated information.

Well, good luck kids. Let's hope some giant doesn't beats some of these officers, since they do not have weapons.

Good grief, this department is so terrible.