Friday, January 09, 2015

We've Moved... Again


Ellen (pictured above) and I have pulled up stakes and moved to a new territory, far out of the government's jurisdiction. We're making names for ourselves in the silver mining business, and secured a faro game at the Oriental Hotel. (Actually, I think the proprietor will rename it the "Asian," because some of the railroad workers believe Oriental is racist.

Anyway, if you're in the neighborhood, look up up. Our new homestead is located here.

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Islamists Storm Paris Office, Murder Twelve


This time, they stormed the Paris offices of Charlie Hebdo Magazine, and killed twelve journalists for insulting Muhammad... by inserting him into political cartoons. Oh, and on their way out the door, the murdered a police officer as he begged for mercy.

These images show the disturbing moment that a murdered police officer pleaded for his life before being executed by masked gunmen who launched a deadly terrorist attack on an anti-Islamist newspaper in France.

A video from the scene of yesterday's massacre shows officer Ahmed Merabet - believed to be a Muslim - lying wounded on the pavement and begging for mercy before being shot at point-blank range by the terrorists.

As they approach, the 42-year-old is seen raising his hand in appeal for mercy, before asking: ‘Do you want to kill me?’ The gunman then answers: ‘OK chief’ before shooting him through the head with the assault rifle.

I don;t think I need to stress the fact being murdered for cartoons is the epoch of insanity. A close second would the American Left's reaction to the massacre, which has been nothing short of, "Well, they kinda deserved it." You need to know what American liberals stand for. They do not fight evil; they fight those who fight evil. Here's a sample of the reactions, courtesy of Ace of Spades HQ:

The Obama Administration - who refuses ONCE AGAIN to deem the attack "terrorism."

Democrat Party Chair Howard Dean.

The Daily Beast's Sally Kohn.

Canadian writer Anne Theriault.

"News" station CNN.

I could go on and on, but you get the point. Your liberal friends will try to convince you the journalists at Charlie Hebdo deserved to be slaughtered, and they brought this upon themselves; don't let them.

Oh, and because it is important to understand the Islamist mindset, video of the police officer's assassination is below the fold. It is not terribly graphic, but I urge you to watch it. You need to understand we cannot bargain with these people.


Because That's How You Get Ants!


The sixth season of Archer begins tonight, and it's going to be better than cancer sex.

The celebrity phone hacking scandal was one of 2014’s biggest controversies. And, sadly, in the New Year the problem has already spread to the intelligence community, with Archer’s Pam Poovey being the latest victim.

What has been revealed are some of Pam’s most intimate moments. Also proof that food and sex are pretty much interchangeable for her.

This is of course a grotesque violation of Pam’s privacy, and we strongly condemn the hackers who have perpetrated it. But if you want more, check out more new Archerisms here as well as the season premiere of Archer, this Thursday at 10pm on FX!

My proudest moment has been converting Ellen into an Archer fan. She, like the rest of us, will be watching the season premiere tonight (10pm on FX).

Bieber's Obsession - Himself


I was in need of brain bleach after seeing Justin Bieber's Calvin Klein underwear ads. He repulses me. He is a spoiled rich boy who brags all over social media about how great he thinks he is. I do not know why he was chosen to model underwear. He took pictures of himself in his underwear and posted them on Instagram. Basically advertising for free. Why pay him for a photo shoot?

There are many better looking men , real men, who should have been hired for the ad campaign.  I did not post the picture in which it looks like he stuffed tube socks in his underwear. You are welcome for that.

Justin Bieber and Calvin Klein nearly broke the Internet on Tuesday, Jan. 6, when he was revealed to be the hot new underwear model for the brand's iconic #MyCalvins campaign. The pop superstar, 20, was forced to stay mum about his hot ab-baring shoot with Dutch model Lara Stone for months — and now that the secret is out, he tells all to Us Weekly. In a new exclusive photo, Bieber displays his underwear in low-slung denim jeans, while revealing his fit body.

Seriously?!? Broke the internet? I noticed no disruptions what so ever. Besides revealing his "fit body" he also displayed his bad taste and poor decision making with those tattoos he has all over his arms.

The only Calvin Klein ad that would cause disruptions for me are the old Marky Mark ads. *drool*
There is no contest. I thought I would throw the Kate Moss collage in for you guys.

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

Man Snatches Great Idea Outta Thin Air

Guys, now would be a good time to introduce your chicks to video games.

Tom Chen is a Beijing-based physicist and game designer who will release something called the SKEA - which is short for "Smart Kegel Exercise Aid" - later this month.

The SKEA fits into a woman's vagina and allows her to play video games hands-free just by tightening her kegel muscles, the pelvic floor muscles that support the uterus, bladder, small intestine and rectum.

The prototype game for the SKEA is called "Alice In Continent," where players help Alice dodge obstacles by clenching their vagina. The contractions send signals to the control that go to the game.

Alice In Continent? Is Chen going to have a device to cure that, too?

Somebody Notify Jared!

A Pennsylvania man robbed a Subway restaurant of cash and other delicious items.

State police said a man held up a sandwich shop in Lycoming County at gunpoint and took off with a couple hundred dollars. It happened around 6:30 p.m. Monday at the Subway on Elimsport Road in Clinton Township.

Police said a man walked in, ordered a sandwich, and when it was time to pay he pulled out a fake gun and demanded money.

He took off with $300 and the sandwich. (H/T - Smite)

I blame this entirely on the chain's Pastre-ME! commercial. When you glorify stealing food, you get what you deserve. Personally, I am more a fan of the Spicy Italian.

We're Gonna Need A Bigger Bed


Longtime commenter and good personal friend Smite is expecting his first child today. I am pretty sure I will be buying him this for the little angel.

This is the Jaws themed baby bed built by sculptor Joseph Reginella for his friends who were expecting a baby. You're gonna need a bigger boat. Pretty awesome.

Sure, any child raised in this will turn out a tad, um, askew, but it would be totally worth it!

Tuesday, January 06, 2015

Walk Like A Man


Last Spring, Ellen was nice enough to turn me on to Map My Walk, a phone app which uses GPS to track your routs, distance, and calories burned during a walk, jog, or run. I am usually quite the fat ass at the beginning of a new year, and this year is no exception. I need to get walking again.

Any hoo, the app sends you a year in review. My results are above. Not half bad for a shiftless, disgusting fatbody!

Once the weather breaks, I will be back at it. Pretty soon, I'll be looking like this again...

Liberals Disrespect WWII Veteran


Why let facts - or a true American hero - get in the way of a good liberal protest?

A town hall meeting with U.S. Sen Ron Wyden was called off Saturday when "hands up, don't shoot" protests broke out. The event, at Portland Community College's Southeast Campus, was canceled after 45 minutes.

Wyden persuaded the protesters to be silent, briefly, promising he would allow them to air their concerns early in the event. They were silent as Wyden awarded medals for heroism during World War II to 100-year-old Navy veteran Dario Raschio.

So these Obama fans shut their damned cake holes long enough for a WWII hero to be honored, then immediately started chanting, "Hands up, don't shoot" - which, for the one millionth time, is a 100% false narrative.

According to witness testimony, Michael Brown never had his hands up, and never said, "Don't shoot." F**king idiots.

King Thong


Professional tennis player - and smokin' hot robo-babe - Caroline Wozniacki has been released from an underwear deal by JBS.

Former tennis world number one Caroline Wozniacki has been dropped from an underwear deal… after her male counterpart Cristiano Ronaldo’s brand became too successful.

Scnadinavian company JBS launched a Caroline Wozniacki range of women's underwear in 2012, before signing Real Madrid star Ronaldo for his CR7 range in 2013.

The Ronaldo deal has proved a huge success for JBS - so much so, that it prompted a rethink over Wozniacki’s role.

Why would a company be stupid enough to alienate half its audience? Keep the cheesecake for the men and the beefcake for the women. If I wore underwear - I don't; commando all the way - I certainly wouldn't support JBS after this.