Saturday, August 06, 2005

The "Do Not Mock" List

In yesterday's comments (People I Hate), Kate had the unmitigated gall to rip Eric Lindros. To quote Queen Elizabeth: "We are not amused." This is not the first time someone was tap dancing on a landmine around here. So, as a public service announcement, here are a few people, places, and things that, if mocked, will "bring down the thunder." Pay attention, kiddies.

1. Any television series in my sidebar. I watch "24," Battlestar Galactica," Reno 911!," and "Smallville" religiously. Feel free to mock me because I am obviously a nerd/36-year old virgin, but don't rip my shows!

2. The Denver Broncos. Why in the hell would a kid from Philly root for a football team halfway across the continent? Because my mom made me, that's why. Super Bowl XII, 1978. The Broncos are playing the Dallas Cowboys. For some reason, I was a 9-year old Cowboys fan in Philly (which is actually punishable by guillotine). My mother, a rabid Eagles fan, told me that no son of hers would root for Dallas, so she made me cheer for the Broncs that January eve. Of course, Denver lost the game (and three more Super Bowls after that) 27-10. I've been a fan ever since.

3. NASCAR. I know, I know. I call Dr. Phat Tony a redneck all the time, but I would never mock stock car racing! I'm still not sure why I am such a fan (being a yankee and all), but I love it all the same. My friends and I have been to Pocono, Dover, and Daytona for races - Daytona was excellent, since it was the first race there after Dale Earnhardt died. His son, Dale, Jr. won the event! - and I hope to someday see Talladega and Indianapolis. There's something to be said about race fans, though. Unlike most sporting events (read: Eagles games), I have never seen a fight at a NASCAR race. Never. People take a lot of heat from fans of other drivers - I had a 12-year old girl tell me Jeff Gordon "sucks" - but it's all in good fun. It's definitely a family friendly event.

4. Gary Oldman. In my opinion, Oldman is the most versatile actor in the world today. Keep your Johnny Depp, Gary's got the goods. Sure, he is a freak, but he's a talented freak. In his 23 year career, Oldman has played punk legend Sid Vicious, Shakespeare's Rosencrantz, Lee Harvey Oswald, Dracula, Beethoven, Pontius Pilate, and Batman's Commissioner Gordon. All terrific roles, but for my money, Oldman's at his best as Stansfield in "The Professional." Great scene: After shooting a man six times in the back, Oldman reloads! His partner asks what he's doing (since the man is obviously dead) and Oldman replies, "But he ruined my suit."

Gary Oldman: Do not mock!


  1. Reno 911 is slightly humorous, but all the others are "blah"! HA!

    The Denver Broncos? They're has-been's and want-to-be's! HA!

    NASCAR?! Wait...did I read that right? NASCAR? Of course you don't consider that a REAL sport, eh? :p

    Gary Oldman? LMAO! Oh yeah, he's exceptionally talented! (insert eye roll here)

  2. Ha I see that rednecks migrate north. Sorry I can't say I watch NASCAR.

  3. Kate - That's right, keep poking me with a stick.

    Doc - By law, aren't you required to watch NASCAR?

  4. Wyatt,

    Hey, what are friends for? =)

  5. Being Wyatt Earp and all, have you seen Deadwood? This has got to be one of the greatest pieces of television cinema produced.

  6. Deadwood is excellent! One of the guys on Domelights.com has Swearengen's quote:

    "Here's my counter-offer to your counter-offer: go f**k yourself."


  7. You don't watch Stargate (Both) or Firefly? Or even The Shield.

    Yeah, all the racing I watch they have to make left AND RIGHT turns.

  8. The Shield is awesome, but so is most of the stuff at FX. I saw the film preview for the Firefly movie - looked very cool.

  9. 24 is da bomb!
    Oldman, quirky yet not pretentious. :)