"If horse racing is the sport of kings, then surely bowling is a . . . very good sport as well." - Homer Simpson, The SimpsonsIt's no secret that my greatest character flaw (and there are many) is that I am much too competitive. It runs in my family, but I usually kick it up a notch. "Game night" with my extended clan (usually guys versus girls) is brutal because when the guys win, we are far from graceful. Hence the chant of "Men, men, men, men!" So, when I went bowling last night with my partner Doris and two of our dispatchers, I tried to tone it down.
Didn't work.
First, Doris needs serious instruction on bowling etiquette. When someone (namely, me) is about to release the ball, polite society doesn't yell things out like "Your butt looks big!" I love Doris (I tell everyone she is my "work wife"), and I know she would take a bullet for me, but she is not above flipping me off if I get the occasional strike, or trying to break my concentration by making comments in the middle of a backswing. Weasel!
Second, when someone says they "suck at bowling," they DAMN WELL BETTER SUCK AT BOWLING!!! We played about ten games, and I think Doris and I split the wins. Unfortunately, she not only won the last game (which means I'll have to dwell on that for months), but she also slaughtered me in one game, 143-93! That's a fifty point margin, for those of you in Rio Linda. I'm not even gonna dignify her turkey (three strikes in a row) or the two times she threw a gutter ball, then made the frakkin' spare!!! Oh yeah, she's terrible.
Finally, here's a little tip for anyone unfortunate enough to play sports with me. When I'm down, don't try and cheer me up. By the end of the night, I was cursing myself for the stupid mistakes that were becoming all too common, when Doris turned to me and said, "It's okay, it's only the four of us here." Reading between the lines, she was actually saying, "Don't worry, we won't tell the guys at work how bad you suck." Swell.
Despite my sub-par performance, we all had a terrific time, and hopefully, we'll get to do it again soon.
Hear that, Dor? Next time we hit the lanes, you're toast!!!
You do realize there is a ratio involving beer and bowling well, right? Too much beer=bad bowling not enough beer=bad bowling. My high game is 287 I spared the first frame and split the last ball, I give credit to the beer.
ReplyDeleteWait . . . you can drink beer while you bowl? Why was I not informed!!!
ReplyDeleteActually, she screwed me there, too. I was drinking Guinness all night (mmm . . . dark!), and after I won a game, she got refills and brought me back Yuengling Lager. Blasphemy!!!
As a female, I bow to Doris. Way to go babe...and the thing about only being 4 of you, you didn't really BELIEVE that did you? That's like saying "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas." Well yeah...unless you leave live witnesses!:)
ReplyDeleteGlad you and your partner had fun.
ReplyDeleteIs there really such a thing as…dare I say…MAN being too competitive?!? Hmmm..? ;)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading your blog; Thank you for the laughs Wyatt.
Wyatt!! What you scored a 93! That is pitiful!!! I guess you could blame it on the beer! But next time don't let us guys down!! If you need help call Doc or Me (Game high 285) next time!! Anyways nice try though! It's not all about winning, it's about having fun... Yeah right!!
ReplyDeleteThere are people in Tennessee who'd give their eyeteeth for a Yuengling (near impossible to find in these parts). Not necessarily me, I'd give my eyeteeth for a night off to drink any beer.
ReplyDeleteSK - You are no longer welcome here :) Just kidding, but I figured your analogy was about right. I'll go in tomorrow night and be a laughing stock.
ReplyDeleteD - I an competitive in an unhealthy way. For instance, if I make a lousy pass during hockey, I'll dwell on it for the rest of the game.
Thanks for the kind words, though.
Steve - Shut up. I broke 100 every other time. (God, I suck!) My mother (a former big-time league bowler) is rolling over in her bed.
Pandy - It's plentiful here, since it's brewed in PA. If y'all ever need a fix, lemme know, I'll ship some out.
SK - I just re-read your comment. So, you're saying I have to kill them??? :)
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDeleteSK - For the record, Doris is a big fan of yours after reading your comment. Damned women always stick together :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't know there was bowling chatter, like baseball?
ReplyDeleteLinda - Yeah, and with Doris, it's like listening to sailors!
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