There's nothing like a good sleep to clear your head. Yeah, I had quite a bit of the "black stuff" at the bar last night - Mmm . . . Guinness! - and I think it showed in my drunken master blogging. I appreciate all of your concern, but as Partner #1 will tell you, I am a coward at heart. I'm not gonna quit - my career or the blog. As far as SYLG is concerned, I cannot guarantee funny because my mind has been elsewhere lately, but as far as the job goes, I can forgive and forget. And to illustrate this point, here are a few things I plan to give my sergeant for his upcoming retirement:
Top Ten Retirement Gifts For Sergeant Scumbag
10. One week as "personal assistant" to Ryan Seacrest.
9. Honorary police sergeant (New Orleans, LA)
8. One night of unprotected sex with Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson.
7. A lifetime of free skydiving. (I'll pack the parachute.)
6. "The Black Hawk Down Reality Tour" courtesy of Mogadishu Travel.
5. Official food taster for Saddam Hussein.
4. Chappaquiddick driving companion for Teddy Kennedy.
3. Personal groomer for Kirstie Alley.
2. A $200 gift card to Colonics-R-Us.
And the number one retirement gift for Sergeant Scumbag . . .
1. An all-expenses paid trip to France.
Now there's a fine example of killin' um with kindness!
ReplyDeleteNow that's the Wyatt we have all come to love and adore!! I mean.. man love.. No wait that's not right!! Crap!!
ReplyDeleteAnyways, great post!!
Ahhh....all heart and sweetness!
ReplyDeleteWyatt, as the title of your blog suggests those who regularly read are here to support our local gunfighter. While you are not actually "local" to me (MD), I have come to enjoy you brand of "the funny" and to realize 3 things: 1 you should never let any man take you spirit away (the spirit of a born fighter) 2. at times the funny waxes and wanes but those that have it are worth waiting for 3. I do not have the funny. Do not worry about alienating your readers as venting is good and those of us who are smart enough to be here recognize that.
ReplyDeletea regular though usually silent reader
Web
6. "The Black Hawk Down Reality Tour" courtesy of Mogadishu Travel.
ReplyDeleteAfter todays events, I hear you can get a pretty good deal on a cruise to Somalia, with a free upgrade to an outside cabin.
Uber - Thanks ;)
ReplyDeleteSteve - Nice thought. That doesn't mean we're gonna hold hands and take moonlight walks, though! Heh.
Lin - Of course. What else would you expect?
Web - Wow. Congratualtions, I am officially speechless. Thank you for the kind words.
Wagon - I figured it could be a Hollywood Double Feature: Black Hawk Down meets Pirates of the Caribbean. Tee hee hee!
I have returned from the wilds of Western PA! Does that help cheer you up at all? I have a lot of catching up to do but I'll try to stop by and make silly here as much as possible. ;)
ReplyDeleteMan, threaten to quit blogging and lurkers come out of the woodwork! You've got a lotta luv out here ;)
ReplyDeletePANDY PANTS!!! We've missed you terribly. Thanks for stopping back. Now get back to blogging post haste!
ReplyDeleteAnti-Hippie - Thanks for the commitment. Although readers of this blog SHOULD be committed . . .
Gunn - Jealous??? Come on, you've got plenty of "lurkers" too. I prefer to call them my ""Army of the Undead."