An SYLG Companion

When I was writing my previous blog, many of my readers told me that sometimes they didn't understand what the hell I was talking about. What's worse is that when I wrote about politics, they tuned out entirely. This is the reason I rarely pontificate about the toads in Washington anymore. I don't want anyone to tune out nowadays, so here are a few translations for some of my commonly used police terms.

Offender (or Doer) – In Philadelphia, we keep it simple. (We have to, since many of our officers barely escaped high school with a GED.) Obviously, an offender is a suspect in a crime. Do not under any circumstances refer to this person as a "perp." This ain't Hollywood, baby.

Toad – Toad is pretty much a catch-all for the scum of the Earth. It can be used for offenders as well as cops. A toad offender can best be described as "white trash," although they come in every shape, size, and color. A toad cop can best be described as most of my platoon – do-nothings who are just there to cash a check.

Pinch – Simply, a pinch is an arrest. For example, I have three pinches this month.

Whore – This word has a dual meaning. The local prostitutes are commonly referred to as whores, but so are some cops. For example, my current partner responds to almost every auto accident in the district, with the hopes of pinching someone for DUI. Why? Because he is an overtime whore.

To quote Animal Mother from Full Metal Jacket: "You talk the talk, but do you walk the walk?" There's nothing more embarrassing than leaving a comment on a police blog and using some asinine word you heard on one of the three thousand Law and Order programs. Knowledge is power!