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    Glenn Reynolds Says:

    "Support Your Local Gunfighter is the best thing to happen to law enforcement since Vic Mackey."

    DISCLAIMER:

    The idiotic opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone, and in no way reflect the views of the Philadelphia Police Department. I mean, if they did, this town would be in a heap of trouble, right?

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Thanks for visiting, but I have moved to my new site at supportyourlocalgunfighter.com

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Morons Of The World Unite!

    January - February '07

Previous Posts

    Rave Reviews From Some Raving Lunatics

    "The best thing to come out of Philly since . . . who are we kidding, nothing good comes out of Philly." - The Man, GOP and the City

    "Sharpshooter, still beats salad shooter in 2 out of 3 gunfights. - Rodney Dill, Outside The Beltway

    "Stalking Uber since 2005! Now with more racism!" - JimmyB, The Conservative UAW Guy

    "Boosting the demand for brain bleach." - Fmragtops Spews

    "After more than a year of reading SYLG, I am once again pregnant. I'm not saying there's a connection, but it is a bit suspicious." - Daisy, Dorkelina

    "Keeping the streets of Philly safe; one cheesesteak at a time." - RT, Public Pondering

    "Proof that if you keep hitting 'refresh,' you too can reach 50,000 hits." - Sssteve, First With Flair

    "The Jim Dangle of Philly." - Tyler D., .45-Caliber Justice

    "Wyatt Earp proves that there's an upside to blindness." - Remulak MoxArgon, The Moxargon Group

    "SYLG: Because Jack Bauer can't be everywhere - especially not in Philadelphia." - Cowboy Blob, Cowboy Blob's Saloon

    "The puck stops here." - InsoluBlog

    "SYLG: Bitching and moaning since June, 2005." - Pam, Blogmeister USA

    "As a blogger, he's one hell of a detective, but as a detective, he's one hell of a blogger!" - Miriam, Miriam's Ideas

    "If his gun doesn't kill you, his humor will." - Dragon Lady, Dragon's Den

    "SYLG: Where Rosie (O'Donnell) and Helen (Thomas) go when they want to be 'shot' by a man." - Joe Cool

    "Hitler would be proud of you." - Sean Connor

    "You have no honor!" - Robert Frederick

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Wet, Drunk, And Stupid

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." Dean Wormer, Animal House

And the dumb get dumber.

Last night, I was working my usual solo car (Whoo hoo! Take that, Wagonsux!) when I get a call for a Vandalism in Progress. Upon arrival, the resident tells me that his live-in girlfriend smashed the rear window of their home. Vandalizing your own home: brilliant! The girlfriend is drunk, soaking wet from the pouring rain, and boy did she reek of alcohol! (She kinda smelled like Peakah. Just kidding, pal!) The boyfriend (obviously pissed about the window) tells me that he doesn't want her there anymore. Fair enough.

I escort Drippy Drawers to the front of the residence, and am met by an irate cab driver. The plot thickens. Youssef the Cabbie - that's not a slander; it was his actual name - states that Drippy hired him to take her home from Center City, then refused to pay the $35 fare! (Drippy couldn't drive herself, since her license was suspended . . . for driving DUI!) When asked why she thought she could get away with defrauding the cab company, Drippy replied, "I thought my boyfriend would pay for the ride."

Buzz! Wrong answer! But we have some lovely parting gifts for you . . . like a ten foot by ten foot cell!

I told Drippy that unless she ponied up the dough for the cab fare, she was going to get locked up. She still refused, and received a delightful pair of steel bracelets for her trouble. Off to jail we go. Here's the actual conversation from the ride to the cell block (and remember, she's completely wasted):

Drippy - "What am I being charged with?"

Wyatt - "Theft."

Drippy - "Why?"

Wyatt - "Because you didn't pay for the cab ride."

Drippy - "Oh. (A second later) What am I being charged with?"

Wyatt - "Theft."

Drippy - "Why?"

Wyatt - "I just told you!"

Drippy - "But what am I being charged with?"

Wyatt - (Head explodes.)

Okay, the last part was embellished, but the rest of the conversation is word-for-word. I know, because I wrote it down immediately afterwards so you guys could enjoy this pure gold. This makes two arrests in as many days for yours truly, and my third of the month. If I'm not careful, I may accidentally become a good cop!

Perish the thought.

posted by Wyatt Earp at 9:00 AM