SYLG Profile: Louie The Lock

(Fourth in a series.)

Louie the Lock is the inner circle's sole connection to the Aye-talian-American lifestyle. Short, stocky, with more grease than a Jiffy Lube, Louie the Lock has been our ice hockey goaltender since high school. Why? Because he can't skate. I kid you not. Thankfully, his goaltender skills are his forte, and he pulled our collective arses out of the fire on more than one occasion. (The Weasels/Flying Squirrels playoff shootout comes to mind.)

Then, Louie got married.

The Lock and his blushing Bride (would she be The Key?) flew to the tropics for their ceremony . . . and didn't invite any of us! Of course, in retrospect, the last people anyone would want at a wedding ceremony is my group of friends (remember the "How long will Badger's marriage last?" wagers?). Married and happy, Lou hung up his goalie equipment and started making babies.

He also started making obscene bets.

True to his heritage, Louis the Lock is a degenerate gambler. While he never plays at Atlantic City or Vegas, he is always looking for action through our e-mails. During every online fantasy league, The Lock plays "The House," shelling out odds for the various teams, and taking bets. During our FHL league, The Lock is good for about fifteen to twenty team-to-team wagers a season. Thankfully, for his children's college fund's sake, he rarely makes bets he cannot afford.

We don't get together with The Lock much anymore - he is busy with his family . . . wuss - but he is still a vital cog in the inner circle's machine.