Grip It And Rip It

Alas, this woman was not in our group.

Golfing with friends is always fun. However, since I have no friends, Vinnie, Badger, and Fish allowed me to tag along with them at Middletown Country Club yesterday. On hand: eighteen holes of beer, gambling, and insults. Tee it up!

As usual, I was the early arrival at the course. Also as usual, Fish and Vinnie were late. While paying the greens fees, Badger submitted, "It's hard to have an Antonelli Group without Antonelli." Of course, after he said that, Vinnie and Fish waltzed in. Walking to the first tee, we set the ground rules on the most important part of the day: the betting:

Closest to the tee on all Par 3's = $1 from each player.

Any balls going into either water or a bunker on assigned holes = $1 from each player.

On top of that, our foursome would be playing "Wolf" on each hole. The "Wolf" - different on each hole - gets to pick a partner for that hole, but must make his choice (yea or nay) after each person hits. The Wolf always hits last, and can go solo if the other three shots suck - which, with us, is usually the case. Winning team members get $1 each. And away we go.

The skies were clear, and the humidity was brutal, so Vinnie figured he needed a beer. When he couldn't get on at the clubhouse bar at 9:30am, he was royally offended. Badger and I reminded Vinnie that it was an obscenely rude hour of the morning, and maybe the beer craving was a sign of a larger problem. He disagreed. Hey, we're nothing if not health conscious!

At about the fourth hole, Vinnie's cell phone rang. This little interruption is usually a Badger trait. Vinnie answered and was discussing the merits (or lack thereof) of cable television technicians. Vinnie explained that Mrs. Vinnie scheduled the cable guy at the exact time that hubby was golfing for the day.

(Insert rude, sarcastic, and borderline blasphemous comments here. Fish, Badger, and I did!)

Soon thereafter, we approached the snack bar. Upon ordering (What else? Beer!) we noticed the snack bar girl. Wow. That's about all I can say without the wife cutting off my . . . internet privileges. The first Par 3 was ahead, as was our first money of the day. No one was unfortunate enough to hit water, but Fish hit a bunker . . . twice. Cha-ching!

By the back nine, Wolf was becoming pretty lucrative for Badger. At one point, he was up $20. So, when it was my turn for Wolf, I watched as Vinnie and Fish hit clunkers to the ends of the earth. Badger was up, and solidly hit a ball into the fairway . . . on the next hole over. I was about to say, "Pass," when Vinnie said, "Pick Badger. Take him down with you!" I smiled, looked at Badger, and said "I'll take that."

The next twenty minutes was filled with expletives.

We finished up our five and a half hour round - the course was packed - and headed to the clubhouse. If I remember correctly, Badger shot a 91, Vinnie shot a 104, Fish shot a 111, and I shot a brutal 113! (A 10 on the front and an 11 on the back didn't help.) Ouch.