The Accidental Tourist

Yesterday was a delightful day in my nuclear (pronounced nuke-you-lar) family. A split second here and there, and my wife and my brother-in-law's wife would be widows today. (I can hear the nation's rejoice from here.) Here's what transpired.

At about 3pm, I was driving home from work when I approached the intersection of Oxford and Central Avenues in the city's Fox Chase section. The turn is a blind one in a "Y" shaped intersection. The light turned green, and I proceeded through the - seemingly - empty intersection. At the last second I saw a Philadelphia trash truck hurtling towards my puny Saturn coupe. I immediately thought, "This is the end, and I never saw Uber in a bikini. Damn." There was nowhere to go, except forward into the front window of the Popeye's. "We do good Ba-you . . . until an out-of-control Saturn killed the chef!" The truck had to be doing at least 45 mph, and it was set to t-bone me on the driver's side. I panicked, braced for impact, and listened for the crunch.

Instead, the jerkass behind the wheel slammed on the brakes, and the truck skidded to a stop about three feet from my window. When I noticed the pee running down my pants leg, I yelled, "F**king a**hole!" at the idiot, and thought about showing him my badge and gun. Unfortunately, I was shaking like a leaf and holding back nervous tears. I pulled over to the side, kept shaking, and the concerned city employee drove away.

At about 6pm, my brother-in-law Fish was driving home from work in New Joisy. He was stopped at the intersection of Levick Street and Roosevelt Boulevard. His Saturn - which he bought from my wife less than a year ago - pulled into the intersection when the light turned green, and was plowed into by an older woman who blew the steady red. It appears that both cars were totaled, and Fish was creamed into his driver's side door. According to witnesses and the officers on the scene, the woman (we'll call her "Mrs. God help her if she ever comes to my Detective Division") was easily doing 65 mph.

Fish - for some strange reason - refused rescue and would not go to the hospital. Give him a break; he went to Penn State. I guarantee, however, that's he's a hurtin' puppy today.

For the rest of the day, I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of both of us being killed on 9/11.