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    The idiotic opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone, and in no way reflect the views of the Philadelphia Police Department. I mean, if they did, this town would be in a heap of trouble, right?

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Morons Of The World Unite!

    January - February '07

Previous Posts

    Rave Reviews From Some Raving Lunatics

    "The best thing to come out of Philly since . . . who are we kidding, nothing good comes out of Philly." - The Man, GOP and the City

    "Sharpshooter, still beats salad shooter in 2 out of 3 gunfights. - Rodney Dill, Outside The Beltway

    "Stalking Uber since 2005! Now with more racism!" - JimmyB, The Conservative UAW Guy

    "Boosting the demand for brain bleach." - Fmragtops Spews

    "After more than a year of reading SYLG, I am once again pregnant. I'm not saying there's a connection, but it is a bit suspicious." - Daisy, Dorkelina

    "Keeping the streets of Philly safe; one cheesesteak at a time." - RT, Public Pondering

    "Proof that if you keep hitting 'refresh,' you too can reach 50,000 hits." - Sssteve, First With Flair

    "The Jim Dangle of Philly." - Tyler D., .45-Caliber Justice

    "Wyatt Earp proves that there's an upside to blindness." - Remulak MoxArgon, The Moxargon Group

    "SYLG: Because Jack Bauer can't be everywhere - especially not in Philadelphia." - Cowboy Blob, Cowboy Blob's Saloon

    "The puck stops here." - InsoluBlog

    "SYLG: Bitching and moaning since June, 2005." - Pam, Blogmeister USA

    "As a blogger, he's one hell of a detective, but as a detective, he's one hell of a blogger!" - Miriam, Miriam's Ideas

    "If his gun doesn't kill you, his humor will." - Dragon Lady, Dragon's Den

    "SYLG: Where Rosie (O'Donnell) and Helen (Thomas) go when they want to be 'shot' by a man." - Joe Cool

    "Hitler would be proud of you." - Sean Connor

    "You have no honor!" - Robert Frederick

Monday, September 18, 2006

Me And Toad's Wild Ride

An actual phone conversation I received at the detective division today:

Me: "Hello, may I help you?"
Toad: "Yeah, I wanna know how to press charges."

Me: "Okay. What kind of incident were you involved in?" (Poor grammar, I know.)
Toad: "I was in a fight with some dyke."

Me: "Um, okay. What exactly happened?"
Toad: "This lesbo kept making noise out on da street. I's gots to get up in the morning for work, so I went out there and told her I was gonna kick her ass."

Me: "Then what happened?"
Toad: "I jumped on that dyke and started punching the hell outta her."

Me: "So, you assaulted this woman?"
Toad: "No, I was defendin' myself!"

Me: "How's that?"
Toad: "You know how those dykes are, they are always making trouble, keeping everyone up all night, and doing drugs."

Me: (Heavy sarcasm) "Oh sure, ma'am. I hear that every lesbian is exactly that way."
Toad: "Yeah, so I kicked her ass, but then she punched me. That's assault! I wanna press charges on da bitch!"

Me: "Okay, ma'am. I can help you with that. What's your name and address, so I can issue my warrant?"
Toad: "What do ya mean?"

Me: "Well, you just admitted you threatened and assaulted a woman. When I get the warrant for her, I'll have to get one for you, too."
Toad: "No, you don't understand. She's a dyke. She has to get locked up."

Me: "I think I do understand, ma'am, and I think you'll make terrific cellmates. Now what's your name and address?"
Toad: "F**king cop. F**k you!" (Hangs up.)

God, I love stupid, ignorant people.

posted by Wyatt Earp at 4:30 PM