Shhh! It's Her Birthday!

Jen fending off Badger's advances at work.

Today is Jen the Librarian’s birthday. Jen is The Badger’s current “Flavor of the Month,” er, steady girlfriend. I kid Jen because she likes tall, balding, shapeless men. Heh. She wanted to be mentioned on SYLG today. Be careful what you wish for. (Or is that, “for what you wish”?)

Top Ten Gift Ideas For Jen The Librarian

10. A party, so she can meet Badger’s less-irritating friends.
9. A day off from work, so she doesn’t see me in her bookstore.
8. Extra-strength deodorant for The Badger.
7. A microfiche bikini.
6. A year’s supply of cottage cheese. HA! (Sorry, inside joke.)
5. Earplugs, so she doesn’t hear Vinnie talk about her body.
4. The Library of Congress . . . on tape!
3. New horn-rimmed glasses, so she can see who she’s dating.
2. A copy of Harriet the Spy, to disprove Deathlok’s “She looks like her” theory.

And the number one gift idea for Jen the Librarian is . . .

1. A chocolate cake, sorted by author, subject, and title.