It It Hot On Earth, Or Is It Just Al Gore?

By tomorrow morning, Al Gore will add "Academy Award Winner" to his long and distinguished list of accomplishments, like "Vice-President of the United States," and . . . um, "Guy from Tennessee?" Either way, his pablum-spewing piece of propaganda, "An Inconvenient Truth" will win the Oscar tonight. Count on it.

(In an unrelated matter, Philly is expecting snow today.)

I know this may make many of you depressed. I mean, imagine how much more self-centered Al will be after this victory? Hell, he'll be worse than me! Unfortunately, the victory will come, and it will cause a series of climactic events never before seen on this planet . . .

Top Ten Effects Of Al Gore's Oscar Win

10. RT will win our NASCAR fantasy league.
9. The Philadelphia Flyers will make the playoffs.
8. Bill Clinton will make love to Hillary tonight.
7. James Cameron will find Jesus' tomb; and claim he wasn't resurrected.
6. Randal Graves will start playing defense at our hockey games.
5. Americans will flee to Mexico for a better life.
4. Patrick Star will be inducted into MENSA.
3. Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will join B'nai B'rith.
2. Al Sharpton will be linked to Strom Thurmond.

And the number one effect of Al Gore's Oscar win is . . .

1. Rosie O'Donnell will pose for Playboy, after the pounds melt off from global warming.