War. What Is It Good For?

I am getting tired of splitting my time between Big City Police Detective and High School Lacrosse Coach. I think I need a career change, and "War Czar" is right up my alley.

WASHINGTON - Now that the White House is searching for a "war czar," it begs the question of who has been coordinating U.S. involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan the past four years.

A team of West Wing players led by national security adviser Stephen Hadley has tried to keep turf-conscious agencies marching in the same direction on military, political and reconstruction fronts. A few Bush aides say privately, however, that the White House probably should have recruited someone to oversee the war effort a year ago. (H/T - Yahoo!)

So, the administration is looking for a war czar? I think I have a few choices in mind:

Maximus Decimus Meridius

Intimidating battle style, great use of archers and catapults (which never really go out of style), and the authority on fashionable uniforms, Maximus is at the top of America's list. But can the U.S. afford his salary: three hearty wenches of virtue true?

Sauron

The unblinking eye is all-powerful as long as he is given the one ring to rule them all. Just give him a wedding ring. He'll fall for it, believe me. Besides, with nine Nazguls at his disposal, we can finally bring back the U.S. Cavalry!

Magneto

Finally, Magneto can be an asset to any country's war machine. Say goodbye to IED's. Magneto can disable them from hundreds of yards away. And with an army of mutants at his disposal, we can finally eradicate those cowardly soldiers who go AWOL. Try saying "No" to Juggernaut: a man who can literally run through a brick wall.

Well, those are my ideas. Do you have any more?