Break Out The Capicola

Tonight is the long-awaited (and yet long-dreaded) series finale of The Sopranos. As is the case with most finales, viewers are abuzz with speculation about the show's ending. Some say most of the cast will get "whacked." Some believe that little, if nothing, spectacular will occur. Either way, most everyone who subscribes to HBO will be watching as events unfold.

Luckily, my sources have leaked some crucial information about tonight's episode. I have listed them in an easy to understand top ten format.

Tonight's Top Ten Sopranos Surprises

10. Adriana returns from the grave to say "Christo-fa."
9. Meadow headlines at the Bada-Bing!
8. Carmela's face tears in two after yet another face-lift.
7. Uncle Junior gets a job posing as Michael Chertoff.
6. Left alone for two hours, Janice eats herself to death.
5. Dr. Melfi prescribes Tony some Fen-Phen.
4. Paulie Walnuts gets whacked by an irate hair stylist.
3. Phil Leotardo loses his empire after betting on the Mets.
2. A. J.'s constant whining earns him the name "Little Pussy."

And the number one Sopranos surprise is . . .

1. Tony moves his family after he realizes that they're living in New Jersey!