Flaming Car Slams Into Glasgow Airport

Good evening. My name is "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, and my native Scotland has asked me to comment on this story, which occurred earlier today. For the benefit of those of you with steroids on the brain, here is the despicable recap:

GLASGOW, Scotland - A Jeep Cherokee trailing a cascade of flames rammed into Glasgow airport on Saturday, shattering glass doors just yards from passengers at the check-in counters. Police said they believed the attack was linked to two car bombs found in London the day before.

Britain raised its terror alert to "critical" — the highest possible level — and the Bush administration announced plans to increase security at airports and on mass transit. Five bystanders were wounded, though none seriously, police said.

Police later arrested two more suspects in the plots in Cheshire county in northern England as part of a joint sweep by officers from London and Birmingham. (H/T - AP)

Are these people out of their God-damned minds?!! These (presumed) Islamic terrorist scumbags have frakked with the wrong country! Scotland is the toughest bunch of bastards the world has ever seen. Why do you think we wear nothing under our kilts? As my good friend Groundskeeper Willie would say, "This is the problem with open borders. We have to stave off Muslim dirtbags while the cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys giggle in their wine!"

Don't worry about us, though. Scotland (and to a lesser extent, England) will clean up our mess without anyone's help. However, my friends across the pond better get it through their thick heads: porous borders plus illegal immigrants leads to acts like the three we have endured this week.

Close your God-damned borders, America! And forget the repercussions from your liberal hordes. Some things are much more important than hurt feelings. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Or do I have to go Jimmy Snuka on your ass with a coconut to the skull?