People I Hate

Thank God it's Thursday! Now I can unleash my hatred and pestilence upon this unsuspecting planet. Welcome to another edition of People I Hate. Don't like it? Get bent!

Kobe Bryant

After his checkered past, shouldn't Kobe Bryant be the last person to be making waves about pretty much anything? But, no: jerkass has to stir the pot in L.A.

So now we have Kobe Bryant trashing teammates and management alike on some covert amateur commando video.

This coming after a statement on his Web site spoke of continued dissatisfaction with the direction of the Los Angeles Lakers and a new interest in being traded. Which came after Bryant flew to Barcelona to meet with owner Jerry Buss and, according to the Los Angeles Times, figured out he still wanted to be dealt.

All of this, of course, comes in the wake of his Memorial Day weekend schizophrenic radio tour where he alternated claiming he would never play for the Lakers again and affirming his commitment to winning a fourth title in L.A. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Look Kobe, you have lived a charmed life. You most likely forced that woman in Colorado into sex acts she wanted no part of, and walked off scot free. Then, you saved your marriage by giving your wife a seven karat diamond ring. She stayed: what a trooper. And now you're on top of the NBA world, but it's not enough for you? Maybe Buss should trade you: to al Qaeda!

Larry Birkhead

Just go back to obscurity, will ya?

When Larry Birkhead looks at his 9-month-old daughter, Dannielynn, he sees her mother, Anna Nicole Smith. "She has long legs and chubby little toes exactly like Anna's; it's like a mirror image," Birkhead tells OK! magazine in its latest issue. "It's really incredible. And I think her lips are her mom's lips; especially when she pouts. ... She also gets what she wants exactly like her mom always did as soon as she'd pout."

Does anyone need to know that Anna Nicole Smith had chubby little toes? they're probably more chubby now, since they're all inflated with death and worms! Nothing like making a last grasp at fame and fortune, right? Hear that, Larry? Your fifteen minutes is wasting away. Tick, tick, tick . . .

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg

It must be "B" week this week. Bryant, Birkhead, and this tool of tools. Bloomberg, elected as a Republican, decided to renounce his registration this week and re-registered as an independent. Why? Because he apparently wants to run for President. As a frakkin' independent!

NEW YORK - New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg did little on Wednesday to quiet the fierce speculation about a possible independent presidential bid, declaring he intends to remain in his current job but saying of the White House race: "The more people that run for office the better."

Um, Mike, I have a better chance of having a whirlwind affair with Salma Hayek, Kirsten Dunst, and Angelina Jolie than you do of winning the Presidency. Please, for the good of the country: stop the insanity! You're no John Anderson.