Home Alone 4: Fat In Philadelphia

So, who wants to have an intergalactic kegger at the Earp residence?

This week is that special time of the year when my family goes to the Jersey shore for a few days of fun in the sun. Meanwhile, Dear Old Dad stays home alone to make the money for said vacation. In the interim, I am eating rice in a bag, trying to not kill the pets, and sleeping until 11am because no one is here to wake my lazy ass up!

It's pretty cool.

The missus calls once a day to tell me what a great time they're having (read: rubbing it in) while I am stuck doing the following:

• Working in a detective division whose air conditioning gave out last week.
  
• Cleaning the house from top to bottom, so it's ready for the kids to destroy tomorrow.
  
• Rummaging for food scraps so I can eat. (Tom Collins mix poured into a pie crust is not as good as it sounds.)

The clan is due back late tonight, and I have hardly had time to do the things I usually do when the family is away: hire strippers and walk around the house in the nude.