Man's Weekend, 2007: A Retrospective

Yet another terrific MWE is now in the books, and a good time was had by all. Of course, it wouldn't be a Man's Weekend without a post-event wrap-up here at SYLG. And away we go . . .

Thursday, October 25th

Since Badger and Vincent couldn't get out of work early this year, we were forced to start MWE much later than usual. Vincent picked me up at 6pm, and we arrived at the shore house a little after 8pm. While driving down, I asked Vinnie what alcohol he brought with him.

His response? "All of it."

True enough, Vinnie brought sloe gin, amaretto, vodka, frangelico, and of course, whiskey. Thus, we had all the fixins of chocolate cake shots, Alabama slammers, and gimlets. Once we settled down - that took about three minutes - we broke out the cards and began the drinking games. Five of us plowed through a case of Guinness in a little over an hour. Ouch. When the black stuff was all gone, Vinnie made me one of his infamous Alabama slammers.

The rest of the evening was a blur. Thanks, Vin!

Friday, October 26th.

For those of you not in the Philadelphia area, this past weekend saw deluges of Noah-like proportions. When we awoke on Friday, no one really thought we would attempt to go golfing.

Unfortunately for us, we did - and it was one of several bad MWE decisions over the years.

When we were ready to tee off, it was obvious that we were the only morons on the course. It was cold and rainy, with high winds. Did you ever see Caddyshack, where the priest and Bill Murray play in the monsoon? This outing was much, much worse. My foursome included Fish, Badger, Vinnie, and myself, and when we noticed that it was raining horizontally, we knew we were in trouble. Simply stated, the holes were filled to the rim with water, there were small streams running through the greens, and you had to swim across the fairways.

When we finished the 9th hole, we looked longingly at the clubhouse. We didn't really want to quit - for fear of being called, um, "wussies" - but we were soaked to the bone. If we jumped into a pool, we would be less wet than we were. Vinnie was all for staying, but I think he was still drunk from Thursday night. Badger and I were considering quitting, so we turned to our moral center: Fish. We asked him if we should keep playing, and he smirked, shook his head, and deadpanned, "No."

We spent the next two hours dripping wet at the bar.

Once we got home, Vinnie took a shower in the bungalow. We rent the main house and the bungalow beside it. Like most years, Deathlok drops the ball with the owner, and the bungalow is missing:

• Heat.
• Electricity.
• Hot water.

When it's cold and rainy, a hot shower is a godsend. Vinnie, not wanting to wait in line for the good shower, decided to let loose his inner psychopath by taking an ice cold plunge into the bungalow shower. He screamed once or twice after getting in, but remarked that it was "great" afterwards. I think he had frostbite on the brain . . . and a few other areas. Heh.

Unfortunately for him, the ice shower kicked Vinnie's liver into high gear. And when we went to The Pour House in Sea Isle, he wanted to warm up. And what better way than to order whiskey shots? Vinnie ordered a "Whiskey Sampler" which consisted of four different whiskey shots. You can imagine where I'm going with this. We reminded Vin that the MWE record for whiskey shots in one night was seven, and that he should try to break that mark.

And break it, he did. Vinnie finished his ninth whiskey shot sometime around 2am, just minutes after Badger's brother Sean finished his tenth! Vinnie wanted to press on, but couldn't give it a go. Frankly, I'm surprised the two of them didn't drop dead. Whiskey is the Devil's work. And no, I would never survive in the Old West.

Saturday, October 27th

It was still frakkin' raining! What the Hell??? Saturday morning is usually reserved for recovery, since Saturday night is such a barf-fest. We laid low for most of the day, then Badger, Fish, Vinnie, and I embarked to the bar to watch the Flyers game at 4pm.

Do the math: First bar at 4pm. Bar closes at 2am. Total drinking time: 10 hours. Yikes!

Keeping in mind the truism: liquor than beer, you're in the clear, I started off with rum and coke. That was pretty safe. Somewhere between then and the end of the Flyers game, Vinnie bought me slammers. Not good. I was pretty cheery by then, and would have even sung the praises of Hillary Clinton. It was that bad.

We finished at the first bar and sauntered over to Charlie's in Somers Point. This place serves the best screwdrivers in the free world, using freshly-squeezed oranges with every order. Sweet! When we entered the establishment, we noticed something awesome: it was the bar's Halloween Party! Why was this awesome? Because one of the waitresses was wearing this exact costume (left). And she wasn't even the hottest employee in the place.

If I wasn't married, completely unlikable, and morbidly obese, I would have tried for this chick's phone number. Thankfully for her, I am all of those things, so I was good. Fish and I spent most of this night laughing at Badger. He and his nephew were thoroughly toasted, and that's always good for a laugh or three.

When Charlie's finally kicked us out, we had to fit six of us in Sean's Mustang. Badger and Sean sat up front, while Fish, Ross, and Colin sat in the back seat . . . with me lying across them. It was the most painful drive of my life - save for the drive to the church on my wedding day. (KIDDING!!!) It was a brutal end to a very long day.

Sunday, October 28th

For a change, the ride home was uneventful. No hangovers, no vomiting, and no vomiting. Heh. In an MWE first, no one in my group lost their lunches during the weekend. It was also an MWE first when we realized that not one vodka gimlet was consumed.

Sometimes "firsts" are definitely worth celebrating.