People I Hate

Good Thursday afternoon, all! It's Thursday, so there's a fresh, pipin' hot edition of People I Hate just waiting to be read. Can you stand it? Didn't think so. Let's rock!

Idiot Drivers

Despite my rant about the two morons I ran into yesterday, I am still fuming. Why? Because it is raining today in Philadelphia, and when it rains here, most drivers immediately turn into retards. And I apologize for offending retards by comparing them to these non-driving toolboxes. Take today, for example.

While driving to work, I pulled up behind a man who was driving so slowly that he was dodging the raindrops. The speed limit on this particular road is 35 mph, and he was doing, oh, 4! The other issue is that the man was driving a panel van, so I couldn't see ahead of him. I thought, "Well, there must be a cop, an accident, or a wheelchair in front of this dope, so I'll be patient."

That lasted about ten minutes, and then the van turned down a side street. Guess what was in front of him? AIR!!! No cars for a country mile. This jerkass was driving 4mph for kicks, while I was trying to get to work. You know what the punishment for these folks should be? They should be strapped to Rosie O'Donnell, and humped to death. No appeals, no parole.

Madonna

Oh boy, there's Madonna news! Stop the world, everyone, Her Pretentiousness is about to appear!

Pop star Madonna is close to leaving her long-time Warner Bros. Records label for a wide-ranging $120 million deal with concert promotion firm Live Nation Inc., a source familiar with the talks said on Wednesday.

$120 million for what? She's not hot anymore, and her body has more divots than the tee box at St. Andrew's! At this point, her husband Guy Ritchie (director of Snatch) is more deserving of that cash than she is. Kabbalah my arse!

Jimmy Carter

I know he's a regular here - and rightly so, since this guy may be the dumbest President in the last 50 years - but I had to nominate him again this week for this little blurb from The Examiner:

Speaking with XM Radio's Bob Edwards on Tuesday, former President Jimmy Carter (you know, the guy who gave the "malaise" speech) told the radio host that he "would not want to have changed anything" during his presidency.

He would have not changed anything during his presidency? He's kidding, right? A more informed response would be, oh I don't know . . .

• Stagflation.
• His inaction during the Energy Crisis
• The Iranian Hostage Crisis
• Ignoring the Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan
• Cutting the Defense Budget by $6 billion
  

But that's just me.