An Apology

I owe a very public apology to my friend Grimjack. Grim posted a comment on the What Is Wrong With The Philly Media post, and I reacted very unprofessionally afterwards. I was rude and addressed him with "sentence enhancers." I read the comment just moments after we heard that Chuck was going to be taken off life support, and I simply snapped. It was wrong, and I have no excuse. I am truly sorry, Grim.

As far as new posts, believe me, I have tried. I have written a few with the hopes of finding "the funny." Except "the funny" isn't coming. Truth be told, I "ain't been quite right, lately," and I fear that I am not handling this tragedy very well at all.

And this, dear readers, is what is keeping me out of reach. Responsibility is a very big part of my life. I owe that to my parents. Every time I wanted to weasel out of something distasteful, my mom or dad would get in my face and tell me that I had a responsibility to one person or another. I had to go to cross country practice because I had a responsibility to my team. I had to go to work because I had a responsibility to my employer and my co-workers. I had to go to school because I had a responsibility to myself to get an education.

These virtues stayed with me throughout my adult years, sometimes to my dismay. In the last two days, I was scheduled for physical therapy. I didn't want to go because of the Cassidy shooting. I wanted to stay in work, or stay at home and sulk. But, I could hear my parents in my ear:

"You have a responsibility to yourself to heal your knee."

So, I went. When I got there, the staff looked at me with incredulity. Mike, my therapist, came up to me and said, "Is there somewhere else you need to be? You don't have to be here." I replied, "Actually, Mike, I really need to be here." So, I started working out. While I was on the bike and the elliptical machine, the news was on the television screens. When news of Chuck appeared, I started cycling/stepping faster. Before I knew it, I was sweating like a fat hog, and suddenly, the channel changed. I stopped, looked around, and saw Mike. He looked at me, and said, "You don't need to watch that right now." He was right. I began working my knee so hard that I was actually making things worse. I finally relaxed afterwards.

And then today, I wanted to do anything except blog. But, the parental units were in my ear again:

"You have a responsibility to your readers."

So I posted. I don't know how effectively I did so, but I do have a responsibility to try and entertain all of you. And the posts will get better, I promise.

Now I am sitting at my computer with the knowledge that my hockey team has a game tonight. I still cannot play, and I really do not want to go. Enter my parents:

"You have a responsibility to your team to be there for them."

They're right again, but I think this time I may let them down. Honestly, I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I don't think I would do much good there. I told the team that I may not be there, and I am ashamed of that. I may change my mind in the next hour, but I don't think so. My heart just is not in it.

Finally, after re-reading the posts of the last few days, I am worried that people are pitying me, or worse, getting the impression that I am only writing "Woe is me" posts for sympathy.

I don't want either of the two.

What I do want is for people to keep Chuck Cassidy and his family in their prayers. These posts are meant to be about him, and only him. Not me. Don't get me wring; I appreciate everyone's concern, and thank you all for it, but I don't want this to be about me. Make it about him. Please contribute to the Chuck Cassidy Family Memorial Fund. The details are below.

And if you have a family member who has a dangerous occupation, tell them how much you love them.