Presumed-Mayor Squidward Is At It Again

(I originally wrote this earlier this week, and forgot about it. My bad.)

What's next, clarinet trios? Canned bread?

PHILADELPHIA - Michael Nutter, the man who is nearly certain to be Philadelphia's next mayor, promises to reduce gun violence, launch an all-out crackdown on no-bid contracts and offer $10,000 tax breaks to companies that hire convicts.

Jim from bRight & Early sent me this piece and remarked, "That $10K tax break is going to break the city budget, isn't it? I mean with the number of convicts Philly has what company WON'T qualify?"

Unfortunately for my fellow citizens, he's right. This policy begs the question: What tax breaks can be expected of businesses who employ citizens without rap sheets? Don't answer now, because Squidward has bigger starfish to fry . .

But first Nutter wants to rid the City of Brotherly Love of its less-flattering nickname: Filthadelphia.

After spending 18 months campaigning, Nutter deemed the city "a filthy mess." He said his first move after taking office would be declaring a citywide cleanup.

"Litter is an attitude," Nutter said in an interview. "You don't need a bill or law to get people to clean up their own space." (H/T - Yahoo! via Jim)

Sources inside the Squidward camp have stated that homicide victims who drop their grocery bags after being shot, stabbed, or garroted will be ordered to pay a fine of $1,000. Now that's clarity of vision!

Look, I think Nutter's Stop-and-Frisk policy is a winner, and personally, I think he's an intelligent man, but litter will be the least of his priorities if he's elected on Tuesday.