An Important Message From An Important Person

Hello, my name is Brad Pitt, and I am a very important person; not only in Hollywood, but throughout the world. Why? Because I am an actor. Well, at least that was my chosen profession. You may have heard me tell CNN's Larry King that I plan to focus on rebuilding New Orleans and extending [my] family, but acting may not be in [my] long-term future.

Of course, you heard that; I'm Brad Pitt. And because I'm Brad Pitt, you will listen to my message about Hurricane Katrina:

"It wasn't just -- you can't call this an act of God," he said of Katrina. "This was a man-made failure. This should not have happened.

"These were levee failures ... mistakes with destroying the barriers that once protected this city. ... Now I don't [think] it was a dastardly evil move on someone's part. It was a chain of events that culminated into this horrific event. (H/T -CNN.com)

Hey, I'm pretty smart when I want to be, ain't I? I am also generous. Brad Pitt is nothing without his generous-ness. That's a word, right? Who cares; I'm Brad Pitt. I am so generous, that I purchased a mansion in New Orleans as a sign of defiance to the Bush administration and The Weather Channel. The two of you will never be able to destroy New Orleans again. Not on my watch!

My generous-ness also knows no bounds when it comes to being a father. Look at me while I buy, er, adopt, another less fortunate child. And everyone knows that less fortunate children are the best kind. We could have adopted an American kid, but it's fashionable to adopt one from one of those loser countries. Brad Pitt is nothing if not fashionable. I mean, look at this Jeff cap: it cost $5,000!

I realize that my many fans will miss seeing me on the silver screen. That is understandable. I am a Hollywood icon. Unfortunately, there are more important things going on in Brad Pitt's life right now; like taking care of Brad Pitt. Pitt . . . out!