Guaranteed To Make You Vomit

Oh, my eyes! I'm blind, I'm blind!!! And, after reading this story, you will be, too.

Sure, politicians always appreciate a warm welcome when they appear on daytime TV talk shows. But the welcome House Speaker Nancy Pelosi got today on ABC's chick TV show "The View" was more than warm - it was downright steamy.

Even before Pelosi walked on stage to take her seat at the round table, the show's moderator, Whoopi Goldberg, and its co-hosts - with former news anchor Barbara Walters leading the pack - started flirting with the speaker's husband, Paul, who was seated in the front row.

Yes, Whoopi implicitly acknowledged, she'd like to do Mr. Pelosi - but she might take his wife while she's at it. "I would do her as well. But we should wait on that because you're still in office, I don't want to cause a problem." (H/T - The Sleuth)

Oh yeah, Nancy Pelosi is hot! Every time I think of her, I can't stand up for an hour.

Can you believe this pandering? I always knew Whoopi was the worst kind of uber-liberal scumbag - she is a huge supporter of convicted cop killer Wesley Cook - but this love-fest is just too much. I mean, Pelosi is about, what, 200 years old? And her husband is no spring chicken, either. But, yet somehow, both Barbara Walters and Whoopi want to hump them? Please.

I hope this menage a gross happens . . . and all three die of simultaneous heart attacks.

The Accidental Shootist

Wow, this could have been much worse.

(CBS 3) PHILADELPHIA A Philadelphia Police officer was injured in an apparent accidental shooting while serving a warrant in the West Oak Lane section of the city Tuesday. The shooting happened while the officer, acting on a tip, was serving a warrant in the 1900 block of Plymouth St. just before 12 p.m.

According to police, as detectives were attempting to serve the warrant, a pit bull ran outside of the home and bit the officer. The officer fired twice; accidentally striking himself in the leg and wounding the pit bull.

The warrant was apparently for a suspect in a shooting at Shrimpie’s bar early September. The shooting left the 24-year-old son of a Philadelphia politician permanently paralyzed from the neck down. According to police, the suspect was not located during the warrant.

Authorities said the officer was transported to Einstein Hospital with a gunshot wound to the leg. The officer is expected to be OK and recover from his injury. (H/T - KYW.com)

This incident is unfortunate, but at least the officer will fully recover. Of course, this may never have happened if people stopped keeping pit bulls as pets. These dogs are not pet material, kids!

A Rush To Judgment

Wow, even Fox News got this story all wrong.

The conservative talk radio host was fighting back after Democratic lawmakers in the House and Senate lambasted him over remarks he made last week suggesting veterans who oppose the Iraq war are "phony soldiers."

In the House, Rep. Mark Udall, D-Colo., who is running for the open Senate seat in his state, has authored a resolution condemning the host. Democratic Majority Leader Steny Hoyer has not decided whether or not he'll bring it up for a vote, his staff told FOX News.

The offense came up when a caller named Mike, who said he is currently serving in the Army, described his anger about talk of a pull-out from Iraq. Limbaugh readily agrees, according to the recorded exchange:

CALLER 2 (Mike): ...What's really funny is, they never talk to real soldiers. They like to pull these soldiers that come up out of the blue and talk to the media.

LIMBAUGH: The phony soldiers.

CALLER 2: The phony soldiers. If you talk to a real soldier, they are proud to serve. They want to be over in Iraq. They understand their sacrifice, and they're willing to sacrifice for their country.

Limbaugh has since said on his show that he was referring only to one soldier: disgraced, convicted former Army soldier-turned-antiwar-activist Jesse Macbeth. Macbeth falsely claimed to have participated in war crimes in Iraq and received a Purple Heart, but in reality, he was discharged after only 44 days of service, never placing a foot in Iraq.

He's right.

How do I know? Because I listened to the entire episode on the way to work that day. Maybe, just maybe, if the media looked at the situation in the context that it was presented, they would have realized that they completely botched the story. Limbaugh never suggested that soldiers who oppose the war are "phony." He said that soldiers who say they are combat veterans when they never served are "phony."

The funny thing is that Limbaugh said all of this would happen immediately after that phone call was concluded. He told the audience that the media would twist his words and try to make people believe that he doesn't support the troops. He was right there, too. And now, idiots like Harry Reid and Tom Harkin - people who wouldn't cross the street to spit upon a member of our armed services - are trying to paint themselves as patriots. Please. A few words of outrage won't make us forget the many times you have stated the Iraq War "is lost."

Look, Limbaugh can be an arrogant ass at times. If you want to crucify him for that, feel free. But don't dare to rip him for not supporting the troops, because that would not only be incorrect; it would also be ignorant of the facts.

This is why I tell the local media nothing when they ask for details of a high-profile crime. Why bother? They'll get it wrong every time.

Remember When Chevy Chase Was Funny?

Possibly the funniest scene from Spies Like Us. Enjoy!
(Stand by. YouTube is really slow today.)

The State Of Montana Isn't Worth This Much!

I guess this is why Deathlok is pulling his hair out . . .

Forget The Police, Justin Timberlake or Bruce Springsteen. The undisputed hottest concert ticket of the year is for 14-year-old pop star Miley Cyrus, star of the Disney Channel's "Hannah Montana" TV show.

Fans are so desperate for seats to her 54-date tour, kicking off later this month, that venues have sold out in as little as four minutes and scalpers are getting four to five times the face value — creating a torrent of complaints from frustrated parents.

About 12,000 seats for the Memphis show were gone in 8 minutes. It took 15 minutes in Columbus, Ohio, and swift sellouts have been reported across the country — Nashville, Miami, Lexington, Ky. The Kansas City Council is investigating the matter.

One ticket for the show in Charlotte, N.C., sold for $2,565. (H/T - Yahoo!)

So, what? Does this chick get naked or something?

These are the days I drop to my knees and thank God I do not have a girl - and pray to God that the missus is not currently carrying one. Do people realize that Led Zeppelin reunion tickets wouldn't go for this much. And they're Zeppelin!

Here's a barometer of what I would like to, but would not pay $2,565 for:

• Dinner with John Elway, Wayne Gretzky, Cal Ripken, and Jeff Gordon.
• A walk-on role during Battlestar Galactica - even if they let my fly a viper.
• A fully-functioning lightsaber.
  

And here's what I would (probably) pay $2,565 for:

• Bikini photos of Pandy and/or Uber.
• Bikini photos of Grimjack. Heh.
  

Specter Says He Will Run For Re-Election

And Pennsylvania's long nightmare will probably continue.

SUCCESSFUL politicians never stop running, and U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter is the archetype.

The 77-year-old Republican, first elected to the Senate in 1980, was unequivocal yesterday about seeking a sixth six-year term when his current one runs out in 2010.

"Am I going to run again? Yes," he told a group of about 150 people at the Arch Street United Methodist Church, Broad Street north of City Hall. "I feel good and I've got seniority. I'm very close to being chairman of the Appropriations Committee."

Specter's [later said] "We are trying to find a way out of Iraq ... without totally destabilizing the area."

He said he supported a proposal from U.S. Sen. Joseph Biden, D-Del., seeking to reduce strife among Iraq's religious factions by dividing the country into three regions. (H/T - Philadelphia Daily News)

This guy defines the term RINO (Republican In Name Only). That's probably why he is so popular in the Democrat wasteland that is Philadelphia, and probably why the local uber-liberal papers give him fluff pieces like this. He sides with the ultra-liberals in Congress so often that he barely escaped the last election with his hide. The central and western parts of Pennsylvania hate his guts, and he is usually only welcomed in Philly and Scranton.

But, he is a smart politician, since he realizes many people who vote are morons with very short memories. No one will remember his partnerships with Biden and Kennedy. No one will remember his wavering support of the troops. No one will remember that he rarely votes with his party. Why? Because in the last few weeks of the next election, he will sign some meaningless bill or put forth some worthless legislation that appeals to the right.

And people will re-elect this piece of detritus yet again.

We've Got A Sponsor!!!

And the good folks at Tony's Place, in Ivyland, PA made it happen.

Ice hockey is expensive, folks, so it's always a good idea to ask for a little financial help. The fact of the matter is that the season fees for our team will cost $6,900! Add in the fact that we desperately need new hockey jerseys, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out we need someone with deep pockets and a big heart.

Enter Tony's Place.

Last season, we spent a lot of time there during out post-game ritual: drinking. The bar is just around the corner from the rink, and they have Guinness on tap. Does it get any better? Randal and Vinnie thought it a good idea to stop by there and ask if they would be interested in sponsoring a pack of morons. Thankfully, they said yes.

Overall, it's a good fit. They'll cover our jerseys, and if we bring them business after the game, maybe a little more. The business won't be a problem. We all like the place, and should show up there in droves. It's one less thing I have to worry about as I run the team this year. (And yes, as of right now, I am still not playing.)

So, if you're ever in Ivyland, PA (It's near Warminster), stop in for a pint or three. Tell them their hockey team sent ya!

Britney Loses Custody

I hadn't been this shocked since Janeane Garofalo stated she didn't like President Bush!

LOS ANGELES - Britney Spears' continuing downward spiral took a devastating turn Monday when she was ordered to relinquish custody of her children by a judge who had cited her drug-and-alcohol-fueled lifestyle.

Superior Court Judge Scott M. Gordon ruled that that ex-husband Kevin Federline will take Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, beginning Wednesday "until further order of the court."

Last month, Gordon said Spears engaged in "habitual, frequent and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol" and ordered her to undergo random drug and alcohol testing twice a week as part of her ongoing custody dispute with Federline. (H/T - Yahoo!)

This is a stellar ruling, and not simply because the woman gives white trash a bad name. It's a good ruling because:

• She was only days away from selling the kids for whiskey.
• There's only one person in America that hasn't seen her sans panties.
• Her next "big gig" was going to be cover girl for Swank Magazine.
  

I'd like to think that this is the shining moment where Britney turns her life around, but I'm afraid the next time we see her, she'll have already blown her brains out.

Pam Anderson. Psycho-Broad

Will someone please set up an intervention for this bimbo, a.s.a.p.?

LAS VEGAS - Wedding bells might not be far off for Pamela Anderson. The former 'Baywatch' star and Rick Salomon applied for and were granted a marriage license late Saturday in Las Vegas, according to the Clark County's Marriage License Bureau.

The license means the couple can get married any time during the next year. Anderson, 40, has been previously married to singer Kid Rock and Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee.

Salomon, 38, is best-known for making a sex videotape with his then-girlfriend Paris Hilton and was previously married to actress Shannen Doherty. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Okay, it's quiz time. Which of the following items are true?

• Pam Anderson is so desperate for attention that she's contemplating marrying Paris Hilton's very sloppy seconds.
• Rick Solomon won't let a little Hepatitis C get in the way of landing a Baywatch babe.
• Anderson's "career" is plummeting faster than O.J. Simpson's.
  

Let's Get Ready To Nun-ble!

Cat-fighting nuns? What would Sally Field say?

A convent in southern Italy is being shut down after a quarrel among its last three remaining nuns ended in blows, press reports said Sunday.

Sisters Annamaria and Gianbattista, reportedly upset about their mother superior's authoritarian ways, scratched her in the face and threw her to the ground at Santa Clara convent near Bari in an incident in July that was kept quiet until now. (H/T - Drudge)

I say let 'em fight. It would make Sunday services a lot more exciting!