Dude, I'm Like, The Mayor, Or Something!

Oklahoma is OK. Well, it is for one young man. See, the Sooner city of Muskogee just elected a teenager as their mayor. If they elected this guy so easily, I may move their to be their new Emperor.

Any hoo, the boy wonder was my topic for this week's Family Security Matters article. Here's a glimpse into the swirling maelstrom that is my mind:

Remember when 19-year-olds were slackers who spent their days eating fast food, hanging out on street corners, and generally disappointing their parents? Remember when 19-year-olds were more interested in voting on American Idol than in a general election?

Apparently, John Tyler Hammons didn't get the memo.

Next week, the skinny, fresh-faced kid will be sworn in as mayor - yes, mayor - of Muskogee, Oklahoma; a town made famous by the Merle Haggard song "Okie From Muskogee"

Merle Haggard? In his first act as mayor, Hammons should find another reason to make his town famous. Of course, when your city's claims to fame are being the hometown of Robert Reed (Mr. Brady from The Brady Bunch) and leading the state in homicides five times in the last decade, suddenly being immortalized by a country singer doesn't seem so bad.

You can read the rest of the frivolity HERE.

The Greatest Alibi In Law Enforcement History

And you thought O.J.'s excuse was lame . . .

One New York teenage driver may not have been drunk with love, but that didn’t stop her from claiming it was the reason she swerved in and out of her lane in Manhasset last Friday night.

Gianna Vigliotti, 17, claimed she had not been drinking but had been kissing a boy who was, after police pulled her over and found her blood alcohol limit to be almost twice the legal limit, Newsday reported.

According to the police report, Vigliotti told the officer, "I didn't drink! I was kissing a boy who was drunk."

Newsday reported Officer Michael Pallazzo found four bottles of beer under the passenger seat of her Volkswagen and an empty beer can in her purse. Vigliotti was arrested and pleaded not guilty the following day. She is due in court again on June 18.

"To now have it publicized is not only embarrassing, but demeaning as well," Vigliotti's attorney, Dennis Lemke, told Newsday. "We expect it to be resolved in the near future." (H/T - FOXNews)

Lousy drunks! I almost feel sorry for the lawyer of this dolt, because now he has his work cut out for him. If I were him, I would hope that the jury imposes a sentence of sterilization, because this girl is much too stupid to procreate.

It's Weigh Day!

I look just like Daniel Craig now. It's pretty sweet!

There is only a month left in our Blogger Blubber Battle, and while a lot of people dropped out - or just keep forgetting to post - I still expect them to pony up their $10 entry fee.

Hopefully, they'll be paying it to yours truly.

This week was an exercise fest. I walked between a mile and a mile and a half with Kevin - in the stroller - every day this week. I actually jogged, yes, jogged, on Tuesday during Kyle's lacrosse practice. Final distance: three miles. And I skated a ton at our hockey game on Wednesday night. I'm feeling better, and some of the XXL t-shirts that were a little big on me and now unusable. Life is good.

This morning, I hopped on the scale and looked down at the result. Here's what I saw:

205 Pounds
Okay, it's the same as last week, but I'm not going to complain. At least I didn't gain anything. For those of you with short memories, I started out at 236 pounds on January 1st, so my grand total loss now is 31 pounds. Not half bad. With luck - and hard work - I should be able to get below 200 pounds by the end of June.

Other Progress Reports:
Mrs. Grim
RT

Angelina Jolie Gives Birth To Twins

. . . Or not.

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Has the Brangelina brood increased by two? There were conflicting reports Friday about the impending birth of Angelina Jolie's twins.

"Entertainment Tonight" reported that the actress had given birth in France. The story, posted on the TV show's Web site, cited a "source close to Jolie."

People magazine followed with a story quoting "a rep for the actress" as saying that Jolie "has not given birth."

Representatives for Jolie and her companion, Brad Pitt, did not respond to phone and e-mail requests from The Associated Press. (H/T - CNN)

Wow. You would think that Angelina is giving birth to Jesus Christ. Of course, I'm sure she and Brad are contemplating that as a baby name. Lousy hippies.

UPDATE: Apparently, the story is untrue. Everyone back on the hooks!

Weekend Caption Contest

Diver Down Caption Contest
(Source: AFP)

Original Caption: Practice dive : A diver from the American team takes part in the practise sessions on the first day of the 2nd FINA Diving World Series at the Ponds Forge sports centre in Sheffield.

Other Current Contests:
Blonde Sagacity
bRight & Early (I won here last week!)
Cowboy Blob
Gone Rick Motel
Right Pundits (I took 2nd place here last week.)
Rodney Dill (I took an honorable mention here last week.)
RT
WILLisms
Wizbang

Photoshop Entries:
- Cowboy Blob
- Cowboy Blob
- B.C.







Top Five Entries:
5. Do the Nestea, Nestea, Nestea plunge! - Randal Graves
4. Cowboy Blob's Shark Photoshop.
3. Things were going well at the Democratic Party Wet'n Wild Pre-Convention Cruise until the Clinton Campaign started throwing Obama-committed superdelegates overboard. - John D
2. Triple Lindy . . . FAIL. - Rodney Dill

WINNER! - B.C.'s Teletubbies Photoshop.

Obama Takes Heat Over Another "Trusted" Minister

My God, it's the minister from Blazing Saddles!

This guy surrounds himself with worse confidants than Britney Spears!

(CNN) — The Catholic League sharply criticized Barack Obama Friday for his ties to controversial Catholic minister Michael Pfleger, saying in a statement the Illinois senator should have severed ties with him long ago.

Of course he should have. Obama has more racist friends than Robert Byrd!

The criticisms come after wide circulation on the Internet of Pfleger's recent sermon, in which he mocked Hillary Clinton for becoming teary-eyed before the New Hampshire primary in January.

"And then, out of nowhere, came 'Hey, I'm Barack Obama,'" Pfleger said during a sermon Sunday at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago. "And [Clinton] said, 'Oh damn, where did you come from? I'm white! I'm entitled! There's a black man stealing my show!'"

Does Pfleger have a mirror in his house? I man, this tool knows that he's white, right?

Barack Obama said Thursday he was "disappointed" in the comments, and Pfleger later issued an apology for the remarks.

Is he disappointed in the remarks, or disappointed that they were leaked? It's not like this is the first time Pfleger said inflammatory things. Hell, this guy has defended and praised Louis Farrakhan!

"Why is it that of all the wonderful Catholic priests in the Chicago Archdiocese, Obama long ago chose Pfleger to hang with?" Catholic League President Bill Donohue said in a statement. "Truth be known, Pfleger has a very troubling history."

That's a damned good question. One which Barack Obama probably won't answer.

“Senator Obama says he wants to bring people together. Then why does he choose as his clerical friends people like Rev. Jeremiah Wright and Father Pfleger?" Donohue also said. "They are two peas in a pod, both equally divisive, separated only by the color of their skin.” (H/T - CNN)

Another good question. Look, I appreciate the face that Pfleger apologized after the fact, but the question remains: why does Barack Obama surround himself with racists and anti-Semites?

In my opinion, he either has the worst judgment of any politician today, or he shares some of their views.

The Space Station Toilet Is Broken

That's one small dump for man . . . one giant poop for mankind.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Astronauts aboard the NASA space shuttle Discovery will be carrying an extra piece of cargo when they launch on Saturday -- a new toilet pump.

Crew members aboard the International Space Station have been fumbling with plastic bags since their zero-gravity toilet went made "a loud noise" and stopped working properly last week.

A second toilet is also planned. The space toilets vent waste matter into space and work using carefully designed vacuums so nothing unpleasant escapes into the gravity-free station. (H/T - Reuters)

Sources report that the Discovery will also jettison its two month's supply of beans and tacos.

Happy Birthday, Pam!

Today is my good friend Pam's 21st birthday. The lovely and talented blogger (pictured, left) is the brains behind Blogmeister USA, and contributes at many other sites. Please stop by her blog and wish her a happy one!

Oh, and the fact that she is my boss at Family Security Matters has absolutely nothing to do with this post. Heh.

Happy Birthday, Pam!

Clay Aiken Is Going To Be A Father

Come on, an I the only one who is going to ask the question? Okay . . . I wonder who did the deed for him?

Looks like it's time to break out the trusty SYLG News Translator:

Clay Aiken is expanding the ranks of the Claynation by one, expecting a child with music producer Jaymes Foster this summer.

Clay Aiken was devastated today, when he realized that "Jaymes," his love interest, is actually a woman.

The sister of music kingpin David Foster, the baby mama is a Grammy winner who worked with Aiken on several albums, including A Thousand Different Ways and his most recent release, On My Way Here.

Interestingly enough, Aiken was "On his way there," while Jaymes was doing the deed "A thousand different ways" with a heterosexual man.

A rep for David Foster confirmed what TMZ first reported this morning, that the couple certain to be dubbed Faiken conceived via artificial insemination and their progeny is due in August. (H/T - E! Online)

The couple couldn't be happier. Foster had terrific sex with a man who wanted to be with her, and Aiken didn't have to suffer the disgust and humiliation of seeing a naked woman.

Harvey Korman 1927-2008

The world has lost a true comedy icon.

LOS ANGELES - Harvey Korman, the tall, versatile comedian who won four Emmys for his outrageously funny contributions to "The Carol Burnett Show" and played a conniving politician to hilarious effect in "Blazing Saddles," died Thursday. He was 81.

Korman died at UCLA Medical Center after suffering complications from the rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm four months ago, his family said. He had undergone several major operations.

"He was a brilliant comedian and a brilliant father," daughter Kate Korman said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. "He had a very good sense of humor in real life." (H/T - AP via Yahoo!)

If I can be serious for a moment, I wanted to express the great sense of loss I felt upon hearing this news. See, Harvey Korman and Mel Brooks were my comedy inspirations growing up. My parents were big fans of their films - Blazing Saddles and History of the World, Part I were amongst their faves - so naturally, I became a huge fan of their work.

Brooks is a genius, but I always favored Korman's acting. He made comedy look effortless, when people in the know realize that making people laugh is at times very difficult. He had a tremendous impact on my life, and was the reason I wanted to make people laugh. Anything that was ever even mildly funny here would be because of, and now for, him. Thank you, Harvey. Thank you so very much.

Although it is a very sad day, I wanted to post something that would give everyone a smile. I think this scene from Blazing Saddles is just the thing:

Godspeed, Harvey. I will truly miss you.