Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Cry Freedom

As you know, the Labor Day weekend is fast approaching, and many folks pack up and trek to the shore for one last summer fling. My delightful family will be amongst them.

I, however, will not.

The wife and kids will be traveling to North Jersey with her brother's family and my in-laws to spend the long weekend at her cousin's shore house. Unfortunately for me, I have to go to work (to put food on the table) and won't be able to participate in the frolicking. But I do have some good news that is not car insurance related: I have a free house on Friday night!

Whoo hoo! Strippers, beer, and video games!!!

Okay, probably not, but I do have a list of things to do when the family is away:

Walk around the house nude. Who needs clothes when you're the only one home? If someone comes to the door, I'll just step into a grocery bag a la Homer Simpson. "I have misplaced my pants."

Straighten up the homestead. My house isn't dirty, but it is cluttered beyond belief. The second the family pulls out of the driveway, I'm going to work. This way, when the gals from the escort service arrive, I can claim I am single with no kids. Kidding!

Crank up the movie theater. There are still too many DVD's that I haven't yet watched. The first on the list is Underworld. Kate Beckinsale in a leather cat suit? Purrrrrr!

Get re-acquainted with my old friend, Playstation 2. One of the unfortunate things about having children is that they are very impressionable. I can't exactly be shooting bad guys in front of the boy – he may get the impression that violence is okay. And I don't want him learning that lesson until he's at least six!

Of course, knowing me, I will probably sleep the day away and get nothing done.


  1. "Nothing" is cool, sometimes.
    Enjoy your alone time! :)

  2. Yeah, that sounds like me, going to do all kinds of things while the wife and kids are gone on vacation but end up sleeping in and watching movies. Actually now that I think about it, that ain't that bad!! Enjoy your time alone!!

  3. Sounds like a great vacation. The sleeping in part and watching movies, I mean.

  4. You're not teaching your kid how to shoot bad guys yet?? Only a more savage nation will survive. Otherwise your boy is going to be turned into a lilly livered wussy in public school with all these tolerance assemblies and blah blah blah...

    ok, i'm kidding a little bit but three of my boys (ages 6, 5, and 5) are quite adept at blowing away aliens in Halo. If ya ask me it makes them better little guys cuz I can get them to do whatever I say or else Halo disappears! buwaaaahahahah...

    Have some nice time off brah, I'll be chillin (probably literally) in Wisconsin this weekend with my cuz... Oh yeah, the guinness is going to flow in Appleton this weekend! *toast clink*

  5. CUG - Yeah, my Jabba-like form needs some time to air out!

    Steve - I know, I'll end up sleeping and eating bon bons in the bed.

    GunnNutt - If I could only find a way to watch movies in my sleep . . .

    Peakah - I credit video games with my great shooting at the pistol range. My 4-year old is pretty good at SSX (snowboarding), but loves watching Spy Hunter. Enjoy the Guinness, as I shall do the same Friday night.

  6. Underworld is a very cool movie and I cannot wait until the second is availabe on DVD.