Friday, August 19, 2005

The First Annual Idiot Awards

You can't tell me that a full moon doesn't affect people. In my experience, it especially affects idiots (and not in a good way). Scientists can blame it on the gravitational pull or cosmic rays, but the bottom line is this: police officers dread when the moon is full. Last night was one for the books. In fact, I wanted to do something special for some exceptional idiots. SYLG presents the First Annual Idiot Awards.

The Irresponsible Parent.

A man walks into the district last night and "demands" to speak to an officer right away. Here we go. The second someone demands anything, I usually tune them out. In fact, my partner is famous for brutalizing people who would try and flag us down by yelling, "Yo!" Her retort? "We don't answer to 'Yo!'" Anyway, this guy begins ranting at my co-worker – the poor sap who was at the window at the time – because "the cops stopped my daughter for curfew." His beef wasn't exactly that his daughter was stopped, but that the officer brought her home! His thinking is that the police should hold his daughter until she can get in contact with his ex-wife. Of course, he has no idea of her whereabouts, but . . .

When told that the police aren't his personal babysitter, he exploded with a barrage of insults and expletives. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; people should have to get a license to procreate. Congratulations, Mr. Irresponsible Parent, you are truly an idiot.

And for that, you receive . . . a boot to the head.

The Criminal Victim

An hour or so later, a woman and her teenage daughter walk in and say they want to make a police report. (White Trash Alert!) They claim that the daughter was assaulted by another girl while she was walking home. The mother said the police were out there, but never talked to the daughter. After a little investigating, I found the aforementioned report. According to the officer that was at the scene, the mother and her daughter beat up the other teenager! The other teen was transported to the hospital by fire rescue for minor facial injuries. The mother and her "victim" daughter didn't have a scratch on them, but they wanted justice, and they wanted it now!

Congratulations, Miss Criminal Victim, you are an idiot of the highest order.

And for that, you receive . . . a trip out back to be brutally beaten.

Editor's note: If you know an idiot that deserves a beat-down, don't take the law into your own hands; take them to me.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Ahhh, I love idiot stories. Back when I was still coppin' it up, I liked nothing better than arresting the complainant.

    I really dig the blog, and you are now blogrolled, not that it's any great consolation.

  3. Morons shall be castrated when I assume power.

    Oh, s**t, did I type that out loud?...

  4. Fmragtops - Thanks for the link. Right back atcha!

    Damian - You did, but I won't tell anyone. Besides, who's gonna read it?

  5. The father should be glad is daughter wasn't in a body bag some where. Guess they never heard of discipline.

    Assaulted girls mom should punch other mom in the nose. Absolutely ridiculous! Talk about setting a good example for your child.

  6. The Criminal Victim mother must have won the silver medal for Irresponsible Parent as well.

  7. Jax - Agreed. But you had to see this pair - both were completely worthless. You need a license to drive, but not to have a child? Unreal.

    Insolublog - Good point.

  8. "And for that, you receive . . . a boot to the head."

    I hope its a jackboot. You're my kinda cop, Wyatt!

  9. Gunnnutt - Of course a jackboot. What else? Thanks!