But I Only Own One Suit!

"Uhh, children, weddings are bad . . . Mmm-kay?"

One down, two to go.

I'm not sure how I got into this mess. Maybe it had something to do with the moon being in the seventh house, or some Kathleen Blanco voodoo, but for whatever reason, I am in the midst of my "Three Weddings in Eight Days Tour - 2005." Tonight was the first stop for the love train; the wedding of one of my best college friends, Donna.

I love Donna (and her husband Kevin) like my own family. Actually, I love them even more, because they don't annoy me nearly as much as my kin. Having said that, I hate weddings! I HATE THEM!!! I hate getting dressed up. I only own one suit, and when I wear a tie, my bulbous neck and head swell up like Mr. Mackey from South Park (pictured above). I hate church ceremonies, and I hate the monotony of most receptions.

(Oh, and I also hate missing Man's Weekend - the annual drunken sports-fest with my friends at the Jersey Shore - to attend a wedding; and I hate the text messages I have been receiving from them telling my I'm a, um, wussy.)

In any event, I was in the church for Donna and Kevin, because they're family. The ceremony was very nice, if a little too long. Donna looked beautiful (as usual) and Kevin didn't look like he was gonna vomit (Good for you, Kev!), so he had one up on me at my nuptials. The reception was held at a ritzy mansion in Center City, and the food was top notch. All in all, it went very smoothly. If only the next two will be as painless . . .

Later today is stop two of the love train; the wedding of my friend Mark. Mark is the son of the man with whom I coach high school lacrosse. Next Saturday is the third and final (Thank God!) stop; the wedding of my cousin Kevin.