Watching The Day Go By

(I will be getting a three-day weekend now, right?) In honor of Columbus Day, we here at SYLG wanted to give props to Hollywood's greatest I-talians. There are many folks who have grave misconceptions about Italian-Americans. But I learned something recently; despite the stereotypes, not all of our friends from the Old Country are involved in organized crime. Go figure. George Costanza – Jerry Seinfeld's best friend has made many contributions to American pop culture, including "shrinkage," "yada, yada, yada," and the acceptability of knocking down women and children when escaping a fire. Classic quote: "Let me tell you something Jerry. A man without hand is not a man. I've got so much hand I'm coming out of my gloves. " Jeff Spicoli – Ridgemont High's resident stoner/surfer dude is the poster boy for slackers everywhere. Brazenly ignoring Nancy Reagan's "Say no to drugs" mantra, Spicoli smoked more weed than Snoop Dogg . . . and hilarity ensued. Classic quote: "That was my skull! I'm so wasted!" Vincent Coccotti – Okay, Vincent is involved in organized crime, but that's neither here nor there. True Romance's "counsel" to Blue Lou Boyle is evil personified. Just ask Dennis Hopper. After a brilliant exchange about the lineage of Sicilians, Coccotti shoots Hopper in the head. Classic quote: "They snatched my narcotics, hightailed it outta there. Woulda got away with it, but your son, f**khead that he is, left his driver's license in a dead guy's hand." Dante Hicks – (His first name sounds Italian.) Clerks' head clerk is a classic head case. Whether disputing the innocence of the second Death Star's civilian contractors or counting the times his girlfriend gave other guys a Lewinsky, Dante is a credit to his ethnicity. Classic quote: "'Empire' had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets." Giuseppe Petri (aka George Stone) – One of Elliot Ness' "Untouchables," Stone single-handedly stopped Al Capone's bookkeeper from escaping to Miami, which led to the arrest of Chicago's most infamous mob boss. Classic quote: "Much better than you, you stinking Irish pig." See, there is more to the Italian culture than cooking pasta and losing wars. Kudos, gentlemen, kudos. (If you'd like to learn more about Italians, consult Dr. Phat Tony's biography of Christopher Columbus.)