You Say It, We Play It (Day 3)

I hate Insolublog.

In complying with his suggestion, I actually had to think for a change - instead of just throwing some piece of detritus up on the screen. Here's his challenge: Put together your top 5 Mission-Impossible Team of movie adventure a$$ kickers. Make up a mission. Give them all special tasks.

I'm not that creative, but here goes.

Wyatt Earp's Fox Force Five

There has been an evil unleashed, and it's name is the NBA. A bloodthirsty organization ruled by criminals and lousy role models, this monster must be stopped. And the only thing standing in it's way is Fox Force Five.

Abigail Whistler (Blade: Trinity) - The imminent destruction of the NBA must start with the infiltration of its corporate offices. Whistler, armed with pistols, blades, UV light (for all those bloodsucking corporate vampires), and bow and arrow would make quick work of the league's home office. And, since NBA HQ is in New York City, a beautiful woman armed to the teeth would not even get a second glance.





Lady Deathstrike (X-Men 2) - After the demolition of the NBA's corporate offices, the next stop on our carnage tour would be the opiate of the masses - television. Basketball would die a quick death without its constant TV promotion, and Deathstrike (with her indestructible adamantium skeleton and razor sharp claws) would slice through broadcast network equipment like a hot knife through butter. In the event of her capture, she will be instructed to notify the authorities that she is the cousin of Yao Ming, which would ensure her release.

Mystique (X-Men, X2) - Now, Wyatt, you say, even without the home office and TV, wouldn't the players still show up for "the love of the game." Possibly. That's why I have Mystique. Her ability to shape-shift into anyone or anything would be just the ticket I need to stop the players in their tracks. The sight of a beautiful woman is like kryptonite to a pro athlete, and after the "off-court action," Mystique can stop back in a month looking like she's pregnant. Instant career-ending paternity suit!!!

Trinity (The Matrix) - Despite Fox Force Five's best efforts, there will be some daring men who will attempt to keep the game alive. Enter Trinity. Using her Matrix-enhanced powers, she will be able to jump up and block slam dunks, reject any three-pointers, and out-hustle even the grittiest of back courts. The result - Trinity will help make the American game more like the International/Olympic product. (Read: even more boring than the original.) Any fan base left will exit the arenas in droves looking for something, anything, that is more interesting. The downfall of the NBA is at hand!

The Bride (Kill Bill) - After the demise of the NBA, I will announce my diabolical scheme to the world. I will explain my actions, and threaten anyone even considering basketball's resurrection. Non-compliance will result in severe penalties. As a testament to this, The Bride will be my sergeant-at-arms. If anyone knows about revenge, it is the sword-wielding blonde. Resistance is futile, NBA! You will be eradicated!