For the first time ever, I got to take my four-year old trick-or-treating last night. I am usually stuck on candy detail, while the wife scurries around the neighborhood. Don't get me wrong; candy detail isn't all bad - I can munch on Reese's Peanut Butter Cups while I watch NHL Center Ice - but I always feel like I'm missing out on the fun. So, when I was called up from the minors, I wanted to take everything in. The verdict:
Halloween is dying a slow, painful death.
Exhibit A - "Where's the turkey? Where's the mashed potatoes? WHERE'S THE TRICK-OR-TREATERS???" My wife bought two average-sized bags of assorted candy, and I think we emptied only one - and that's with giving some local kids two or three pieces at a time. Our street was a ghost town after an hour. Sad.
Exhibit B - Teenagers suck. There were far too many older kids that just grabbed a pillow case and walked around sans costume. No costume, no makeup, nothing. That's hella-weak! Little bastards should have stayed home.
Exhibit C - This isn't Montgomery, Alabama, so why are people busing into my neighborhood? My block (and a few blocks surrounding mine) consists of single homes - a rarity in some parts of the city. Every year, large vans and SUV's pull up and let out about a dozen kids each to snare some goodies. Our neighborhood is pretty populated, so locals can walk fairly easily. These toads are coming from the other side of town. Do they think that because I own a single home that I will be giving out $100 bills? Cripes!
Exhibit D - It's called Halloween, not Whore-oween! Has anyone else noticed that this holiday seems to be an excuse for teenage girls to dress up like sluts - even moreso than normal? That's fine and dandy if you're out of high school (actually, I applaud that), but don't give me little Tina in her "witch" costume, which consists of fishnet stockings, "come get me" boots, and more makeup than Christina Aguilera. Thank you.
I can only hope - for the sake of my sons - that Halloween makes a comeback soon. I would hate to see the holiday die.
for the sake of my teeth I hope halloween disappears...
ReplyDeletebetween my 5 kids, we have about 10 gallons of candy!
Peak, I'm in the same boat. My son LOVES Nestle Crunch and M&M's. I get the rest. Looks like I'm off Atkins for a while :(
ReplyDeleteWent through about 1/2 a bag. And I agree with you on the slutty costumes! Come on people, a little class please!!!
ReplyDeleteWe had over 200 trick or treaters last night, and we had to do a candy run. We used to live 10 miles out of town in the country in Indiana. We're not used to every kid within five miles ringing to doorbell.
ReplyDeleteAnd what got me were the little girls dressed up like sluts with parents in tow.
Steve - I'm almost there, chief. I put the Reese's Cups in the freezer. Mmm . . . frozen Reese's!
ReplyDeleteProf - Welcome to PA, pal!
Exhibit..whatever. Two girls showed up at my parents front door in their night clothes. I heard my father ask "what are you supposed to be?" they both replied "Pajama people." Stupid teenagers.
ReplyDeleteWyatt:
ReplyDeleteI had a 100+ banging on my door.
We also got the teenagers with no makeup.
We also got 2 young girls pushing babies who aren't old enough to eat candy begging for it. Hell, I don't even think the babies were old enough to have teeth.
Wyatt, "come get me boots"???
ReplyDeleteJax - I saw the babies havin' babies, too. Unreal.
ReplyDeleteLin - Yeah, "Come get me!" boots. And don't look so surprised - EVERY woman (including you, I'm sure) has a pair they wear to attract the guys. I'm thinking about knee-high with a stiletto heel. You know, like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman," without the nasty Julia Roberts.
We're getting fewer kids every year even though there are a gazzillion in the neighborhood. And I live in "Mayberry"!
ReplyDelete"Come Get Me" boots? We used to call them "CFM"s.
GunnNutt - I was gonna call them that, but this is (usually) a PG-13 blog - unless it otherwise suits my needs :)
ReplyDeleteTo clarify we started with aprox. 160 pieces of candy and were left with about 40. Not including the mountain you and Kyle brought home.
ReplyDeleteL
L - My bad. Of course, since you have eaten most of my Sugar Babies, the "mountain" is smaller today!
ReplyDelete