The Name Is "Dumas"

The cops in my division really know their stuff. And better yet, they know when a toad is full of poop. Such was the case last night, when two officers brought me a doozy of a case. They’re driving down the street at 7pm, when they approach a car with no rear lights. Naturally, they pull the vehicle over, and walk up to the toad, er, good citizen. Mr. Dumbass tells the officers he doesn’t have his ID with him. Right.

Mr. Dumbass gives the officer his date of birth, and the toad is run through the NCIC-PCIC system. Unfortunately for Mr. Dumbass, he comes back with two scofflaw warrants, totaling twelve unpaid moving violations. Mr. Dumbass is arrested, and his car is impounded.

The officers take Mr. Dumbass to the detective division, where they find his wallet in his back jeans pocket. (Remember that he said he didn’t have any ID on him.) Inside the wallet, the officers find two PA driver’s licenses, one Social Security card, and one Welfare card (of course). That’s FOUR pieces of ID for those of you in Rio Linda.

Here’s where it gets good. The two driver’s licenses have different ID numbers and different social security numbers. The social security card and the welfare card have different social security numbers. When I checked BMV, Mr. Dumbass had a THIRD driver’s license, all with different numbers. In total, Mr. Dumbass possessed three different license numbers, two different social security numbers, four addresses, and three different spellings for his name.

When he was told he was arrested for False ID to Police, a misdemeanor, he couldn’t understand why.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again; dumb people are a police officer’s job security.