The SYLG Student Newspaper

It’s been a great school year so far at SYLG High School, and it does the heart good to know that Gunfighter Pride still abounds. Remember guys and dolls; Spirit Week begins next Monday, and head cheerleader Uber is looking forward to seeing everyone’s smiling face in the newly-renovated First with Flair Auditorium.

The proceeds from this year’s Ammunition Fundraiser will be collected during Friday’s homeroom period. The fundraiser, brilliantly conceived by Jimmy B, will help less fortunate militias in dire need of hollow point, Teflon rounds. Oh, and for those interested, Doc and Tyler want to remind you that the school’s armory is open until 5pm daily for your weapon sighting needs.

In other news, the Debate Team is still looking for someone to represent the Democrat point of view. Volunteers have been reluctant to come forward after the last Dem was beaten to death with an Al Sharpton medallion- courtesy of GOP and the City and GOP and College. Forum moderators Crazy Politico and Right Wing Prof can be reached during their “Democrat Only” office hours: 10:00am through 10:02am.

This year’s school play will be a remake of the classic musical, “Hair.” Curiously, casting for all roles will be undertaken by The Anti-Hippie, who is relishing the “very realistic mass murder scene” as suggested by Vox Poplar.

SYLG Radio is back on the air! The current schedule is as follows:

5:55am – 6:00am – “Bob Talks About Recent Philly Sports Championships”
6:00am – 8:00am – “Nancy Pelosi is the Devil” with Blogmeister Pam
8:00 – 10:00am – “Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled” with Little Miss Chatterbox
10:00am – 12:00pm – Cowboy Blob’s “Music to Shoot By”
12:00pm – 2:00pm – “Punk in the Trunk” with Pandy
2:00pm – 4:00pm – “Puny Human Underlings” with Mox Argon
4:00pm – 6:00pm - “Stuck in Tax-achusetts” with Insolublog

The Comic Book Club’s March meeting is cancelled. It appears that every member will be viewing “V for Vendetta” all month long. Deathlok reminds the student body that next month’s meeting: “Fight Club: Rhino vs. Mysterio” still has limited seating. Miriam is still reconfiguring the library to include these graphic novels, but the Dewey Decimal System never accounted for Dr. Strange.

Professor Peakah’s symposium on “The Great Beers of Ireland” has been rescheduled until Peak’s “research hangover” subsides. In the interim, Fmragtops is holding dream interpretations, and Dave will be lecturing on the fruitlessness of searching the internet for nude photos of Jessica Alba.

Attendance for AFROTC has skyrocketed after the Air Force Wife lent the school three F-18 Hornets. Unfortunately, the Hornets have been grounded after a few free-fire “mishaps.”

Finally, Reverend Billy Bob will be holding services daily for those in need of “churchin’ up.” However, the Rev would rather see less people, less idiots.

That’s all for now students! Go Gunfighters!