Some Posts Just Write Themselves

In the aftermath of this week’s Duke Lacrosse team scandal, the university’s administration rushed to a local public relations firm for help with the squad’s image. After an exhaustive search, the firm settled on ten positive new slogans.

Top Ten New Slogans For Duke Lacrosse

10. Duke Lacrosse: Come see our “stick skills.”

9. Duke Lacrosse: We’ve got a lot of balls.

8. Duke Lacrosse: It’s rape-tacular!

7. Duke Lacrosse: More criminals than our basketball team!

6. Duke Lacrosse: Now with 50% more felonies.

5. Duke Lacrosse: Every night is “ladies night.”

4. Duke Lacrosse: Our Devils are blue, our balls are not.

3. Duke Lacrosse: Ask about our frequent groper miles.

2. Duke Lacrosse Fever: Treatable with antibiotics.

And the number one new Duke Lacrosse slogan . . .

1. Duke Lacrosse: (Burning) sensational!