Due to language issues - and threats from my friends - about 85% of the outing could never be posted on a public blog, but here are some of the highlights:
- Vinnie and I pulled up to the resort at noon. By 12:30, Vinnie was downing vodka gimlets. Both he and Badger referred to it as "Par Juice."
- After many, many bad experiences, I had my first taste of vodka in almost five years. It tasted like burning.
- My foursome consisted of me, Vinnie, Fish, and Badger. As early as the second hole of the first round, our lack of golf etiquette was exposed. PGA Tour players rarely make wiseass comments about other player's wives/girlfriends in the middle of a backswing.
- Halfway through the first round, the cart girls stopped by. After Vinnie and Badger were done getting more beer, they tipped them pretty well. As soon as they left, Badger said, "I think they liked us." Yeah, they find big tippers dead sexy!
- We lost our first round bet with Badger's brother's foursome by three lousy strokes - which was immediately my fault - so it was off to the pub for dinner and more alcohol. Being the smart one - or the "wuss" if you listen to my friends - I went to bed at 2:15am. Vinnie and Badger rolled in around 3-4am. Fish? Not so much.
- As our tee time approached, there was still no sign of Fish. He finally stumbled to our carts at 8am, threw his bag onto his cart, and almost fell down. Vinnie said, "Wow, Fish, you like like death." Fish responded, "I'm still drunk." Nice.
- Alcohol must be "Par Juice" for Fish, because he shot the lights out on the front nine. As we approached the snack bar after the ninth hole, he said, "I think I finally woke up." He then proceeded to enter the snack bar, and get a pint of Guinness! Now, that's a real guy.
- Deathlok was abused for his choice of hats: a jeff cap made with different colored patches. I told him he looked like Jimmy Olsen, and should be standing on a corner saying, "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" He was not amused.
On a very positive note, Sean - Badger and Deathlok's brother, who ran the outing - held a 50/50 to benefit the family of slain Police Officer Gary Skerski. The 50/50 took in a total of $1,500, and the winner - a Detective named Jack Wright - won $750, but then gave $250 of that to the family's total, giving them a total of $1,000!
There's an organizaton that could help. It's called AA!! Good that money was raised for the officer's family. Shows your hearts were in the right place even tho' your livers were cryin' for mercy! ;)
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to see that after all of the drinking, there was still money left over to do something really nice. Nice 50/50. :) While all of the good things that have been done for the family can never bring back the officer, I hope all the love shown to them brings them some comfort.
ReplyDeleteNo wonder you were so tired. It's hard to swing a golf club that many times...hittig the groud before the ball, hitting the ground after the ball, completely missing the ball, walking miles from the cartpath to find the ball...
ReplyDeleteSorry, I'm just jealous. I haven't been able to go play in months.
1. Disparaging comments about wives and girlfriends during one's backswing are necessary, otherwise we would all be embarrassed by how poorly we golf. At least now we have an excuse.
ReplyDelete2. The golf cart girls were DEFINITELY into us.. until they left and never came back to see us.
3. two days of all the hot-wing eating, guiness drinking, and breakfast buffet-having one can get will not do well for the diet. I recommend you don't test the scale for at least a week. I've hidden mine under the bed.
Sounds like fun was had by all! Especially Fish!!
ReplyDeleteYou truly suck at golf.
ReplyDeleteLet's look at the real comments on the Irish cap.
ReplyDeleteA room full of men - Comments of Abuse
Female Bartender - " I Like Your Hat"
Female Waitress to my friend Jim, "I like his hat. He's Mr. Irish. You, I won't even remmeber tomorrow."
The hat stays!
Sounds like a case of hat envy! ha
ReplyDeleteLinda - Liver. Bah! I can always get one of those on eBay.
ReplyDeleteRT - Yeah, Sean is an ex-cop, as is Badger's father and uncle. there were also a lot of cops at the outing. Everyone gave some.
Fm - Yeah, I suck. It was really fun, though, even with the 30 knot wind.
Vinnie - 1. Agreed.
2. Seek help now.
3. No chance of a Fat Stat tomorrow. I murdered my scale and buried it in the woods.
Sssteve - Fish is probably still recovering.
Randal - Yeah, and you're good.
Deathlok - Jim and Burnsie told me that the waitress was "very abusive." Who's lying?
Has anyone SEEN Fish since you got back? He could still be drunk ya know.
ReplyDeleteOh! She was abusive, yet complimentary . . .all at the same time.
ReplyDeleteShe was a little taken aback when I had a retort for anything she had to say though.
"Three more Lagers and. . . .you still trying?"
"Not as trying as you are! I'll take a Guinness"
Cute, but like my neighbor, qualifies in the "Young and the Breastless" category.
It almost writes itself.
I need an interpreter! And I'd like to hear from the females on location!
ReplyDeleteI'm not good at golf, either. I took it at college with a former boyfriend who I got to exchange stares with throughout the class. Funny how someone you think is so wonderful can pretty much turn el stinko! The teacher was a big woman, heavy smoker, who gave no attention to the girls! On the last day, we went to a golf course and the girls managed to be last. We made up our own rules--like it we missed the ball twice, we could pick it up and throw it toward the green. We did yell fore! We had a better time than the others!