Warning: The following true police story is guaranteed to make all men cringe. Read with caution.On Tuesday night, our detective division received the most brutal arrest in recorded history. The woman was involved in an argument with her boyfriend. The cause of the argument is not clear, but whatever the source, it made the defendant absolutely lose it.
The woman rushed the boyfriend, removed his pants, and bared her claws. She thrust her fingernails into the boyfriend's scrotum, gouging and tearing as she struck. The blood-curdling screams of her boyfriend only incensed her more, and soon her fingernails drew blood. The sight of blood was not a deterrent, as the defendant kept gouging and tearing away.
Here's where the gentlemen should stop reading.
After a minute or two, the defendant tore so much of the boyfriend's scrotum away, that both testicles fell out. (Jesus, that was tough to write.) Obviously the sight of the boyfriend's unleashed testicles was enough to cease the assault. The police arrive, see what happened, and immediately place the woman under arrest. The victim was transported to the hospital, and was listed in critical condition.
I just wanted to make sure everyone had a terrific weekend. No matter how you spend it, it has to be better than this guy's day.
True Story
ReplyDeleteIn the article on this guy, they asked if he was going to let her back in the house.
He said "No, she's staying in jail where she belongs."
Although that may have been the morphine (or thorazine)talking. At least that's what I would be on if I had my grapes removed.
Deathlok - When the job came in, every guy in the squad room was crossing his legs. Ouch!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but after the first "thrust" of the claws, that broad would be lying on the ground with a broken nose, and a couple of black eyes!!!
ReplyDeleteHe can say it all he wants but they'll be cohabitating again as soon as she gets out of jail. Hell, he'll probably bail her out.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is currently making odd little noises in the other room. This story had quite an effect on him!
ReplyDeleteIf my girlfriend ripped out my stones, I'd still consider myself to be in critical condition. (wishing my wife bit her nails)
ReplyDeleteSounds like alcohol was involved. What did he do? I guess kicking him out was not an option? And I also guess they couldn't be reattached? Well, they did repair Bobbitt's severed member! She must've had some set of fingernails! Maybe the vet can help him out with an artificial set!
ReplyDeleteAnd fm is most likely right, they'll get back together--what's love got to do with it?!
Actually, (hey, I can be serious once in a while) the women is bi-polar (which means that she has been to both the North and South Pole I think . . .Okay, maybe I can't be serious) and thought that her husband was cheating on her.
ReplyDeleteThe report goes on to say that this guy works long hours and is in bed by 8:00 every night.
The "Sure she's crazy, but I love her" apparantly goes up to the point where she wrents your yambag in twain.
I saw with my own eyes a guy whose live in gf satbbed him while he was taking a piss, go bond the lunatic out of jail.
ReplyDeleteOf course this guy deserved to be stabbed judging by the swollen left eye of the gf, and by her statement which read, in part, "I told him if he hit me again, I'd kill him."
That was the second time I had arrested both of them for domestic violence.
In Nashville, some guy tried to assault a woman by forcing his...uhhh unit... in her mouth. She bit down and the article included "her teeth met".
ReplyDeleteBoth stories make me cringe.
After reading that story I'm now searching for my testicles. They have seem to have ran away some where in my lower abdomin. I hope they come back soon. I've been telling them it was just a story and not common practice now for an hour.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are so funny! And what are you renting Deathlox? A what to what?
ReplyDeleteWell, I have some sympathy for him if he was wrongly accused! I wonder how long it took her to..oh, never mind!
Seems they like to ask females who are raped couldn't you get away? Did they ask him why he couldn't? She got his pants off and did the damage and he was doing what? Being a male, maybe he thought he was in for some wild sex! hahaha
Sorry.
The article I read started off with (I'm paraphrasing), he was thinking of a romantic evening out to celebrate their anniversary...guess that won't happen. Poor guy. I hope she was hot and a good l**. Otherwise, the risk of being with someone who paranoid as a result of a bi-polar disorder is too great.
ReplyDeleteI'm crossing my legs and I'm a girl. May you all never lose your "marbles." ;)
I have a question:
ReplyDeleteIs the victim taking his "jewels" home in a jar for a keepsake?
Or, is the perpetrator having them bronzed for a trophy?
Hahahaha
Look at the bright side--he shouldn't have to worry about testicular cancer!
I think I hear thunder! Time to go!
I also read the article on this and the woman is bi-polar which explains some of it. But I guess neighbors said they'd had problems before and he had kicked her out several times. Sounds like he shouldn't have let her back in and maybe he's finally learned his lesson.
ReplyDelete