The nation is abuzz with talk about the ridiculous Moussaoui verdict, but few people realize the jury awarded the defendant with privileges other than life imprisonment. Using my crack detective skills, I managed to find ten other awards that have not been released to the public.
Top Ten Little Known Moussaoui Jury Awards
10. In preparation for the afterlife, “Like a Virgin” will be played on a continuous loop.
9. A copy of the PC game “Flight Simulator” will be at his disposal.
8. Moussaoui will have extra fluffy pillows and a turn down service nightly.
7. After the Gitmo scandal, only The King James Bible will be flushed down the toilet.
6. Saddam Hussein will be brought in for “conjugal visits.”
5. Fox will broadcast “America’s Funniest National Tragedies” in his honor.
4. For protection, prison personnel will introduce Moussaoui as “Kirby Puckett.”
3. All shanks will be checked for pork residue prior to his stabbings.
2. Moussaoui will be a celebrity judge on “Infidel Dial-A-Date.”
And the number one little known Moussaoui jury award is . . .
1. In the shower, Moussaoui will always be bent over facing Mecca.
These were good! Send them to David Letterman and see if he has teh cadburys to use it!!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, Firrrrrsssst! Whoo Hooo
That was pretty funny! Especially #1! Letterman has lost his funny! Jimmy Kimmel has found his!
ReplyDeleteAnd look at Ssssteve--he may have found his flair! Or not! HA
Awesome list Wyatt! LOL
ReplyDeleteWill Saddam have to share his Doritos?
ReplyDelete(that was not intended as a euphemism)
share 'em...toss 'em.. ya know.. heh
ReplyDelete4. For protection, prison personnel will introduce Moussaoui as "Kirby Puckett."
ReplyDeleteDespite the fact that the late great Kirby Puckett was one of my favorite atheletes of all time, that one made me LMAO... nice job...
Rach, I think he looks like the doritos guy from the 70's
ReplyDeleteAlways looking to save a little taxpayer scratch, you could combine #6 with #1.
ReplyDeleteSssteve - Let him get his own funny!
ReplyDeleteLin - I like Jimmy. He was fabulous on Win Ben Stein's Money - a terrific show, btw.
SK - Thanks!
Rach - Heh, "share his Doritos."
Michael - Don't drop the soap, Zach!
Peak - The resemblance is uncanny. Puckett was a true hero. He will be missed.
Sssteve - Were you even alive in the 70's?
Insol - See? You're always thinkin'.