Hello, I am Democratic U.S. Representative John Murtha. Are you tired of mowing your lawn in the hot summer sun? Is your property too large to maintain by yourself? Do you wish someone could take over your landscaping needs? Well, at Cut and Run Landscapers, we can make it happen!Cut and Run Landscapers are lawn care professionals with a flair for the dramatic. No job is too big – as long as there is an overwhelming chance for victory. Although we pass on difficult, sometimes distasteful assignments, we guarantee to give you an explanation; via any one of the three major media outlets, of course.
Just listen to these ringing endorsements:
“Cut and Run is the best decision I ever made.” – President William J. Clinton, October, 1993.
“Without Cut and Run, I could have never parlayed my war hero status into a Senate seat.” – John F. Kerry
“Thanks to Cut and Run, I can use my free time to smite the infidels!” – Osama bin Laden
Cut and Run: emboldening your lawn’s opponents for over thirty years!
LOL--I love it!! Very good!!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! But in regards to this "Do you wish someone could take over your landscaping needs?" I'd sooner hire an illegal. And you should KNOW that ain't gonna happen!
ReplyDeleteToooooo funny!!!!! Great post!
ReplyDeleteBig Cuz - ". . . a huge bucket of AIDS." Nice.
ReplyDeleteMe: But Mr. Murtha, where is your shop located?
ReplyDeleteMurtha: Switzerland.
Me: But I live in Louisiana
Murtha: Well, it—you know, they—when I say Switzerland, I, I’m saying mowers in Switzerland. When I say a timely response, you know, our mowers can fly from Switzerland very quickly. And—and—when they don’t know we’re coming. There’s no question about it. And, and where those mowers won’t—came from I can’t tell you, but, but I’ll tell you one thing, it doesn’t take very long for them to get in with cruise missiles or with, with Snapper Mowers or, or Grasshopper Mowers, it doesn’t take any time at all. So we, we have done—this one particular operation, to say that that couldn’t have done, done—it was done from the outside, for heaven’s sakes.
My hat is off to you, sir.
ReplyDeleteIs it just me, or does Murtha kinda look like the Cowardly Lion from Wizard of Oz?
ReplyDelete