A Message From Madeleine Albright

Kim & I before our lovemaking marathon. Good times.

Hello, my name is Madeleine Albright. You may remember me as the Secretary of State under President William Jefferson Clinton. I am here today to discuss a very serious matter: bullying.

In the last few days pundits and bloggers alike have been ridiculing my close personal friend Kim Jong Il. These people have been laughing at this kind and gentle man because his Taepodong 2 missile test was a miserable failure. I do not think that this is funny. Kim is a wonderful, caring man who wants nothing more than to be respected in the world stage. With terrible leaders like George Bush and Tony Blair hogging all of the glory, poor Kim is left to sulk in his billion dollar mansion. For shame!

Some of you think that Kim is mentally unstable, and bent on world domination. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the only thing he "bent" and "dominated" was me during my last visit. God, what an evening. But I digress. North Korea is a peaceful, fun-loving country that simply wishes to have the capacity to attack the United States. Is there anything wrong with that? This wouldn't even be an issue if the Bush Administration did not give them a nuclear reactor.

(What's that? The North Koreans were given a reactor in 1994? Really? Oh.)

Regardless, in the new politically-correct world, it is imperative that we build each other up with words of kindness and understanding. The bullying and ridicule of Kim is despicable. It is my sincere hope that in the coming weeks of Taepodong 2 tests, my fellow citizens will give North Korea (and especially Kim) all the support it deserves. Thank you.