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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Orlando To America: Get Bent!

"What the f**k are you lookin' at, jerkass?"

A survey in the latest issue of Men’s Health magazine found that Orlando, Florida – the home of Disneyworld – is the angriest city in America.

As a citizen of Philadelphia, I am highly offended. Not only was my hometown not listed as number one, but it didn’t even make the top ten! Erroneous! Erroneous! As of this posting, Philadelphia is approaching its 250th homicide. (We’re on pace for at least 400 by the end of the year.) This is the city that booed Santa Claus. This is the city that brutally beats opposing fans at Eagles games. This is the city that bombed – and subsequently burned down – an entire neighborhood! What more do we have to do to get a little recognition?

Hell, take a look at the bloggers that are in the vicinity of the Philadelphia metropolitan area. I have a weekly post entitled People I Hate, Fitch regularly berates other bloggers who send him a meme, Bob despises liberals and hippies, and Grimjack is just plain ornery! Now some jackass survey conducted by some other jackasses is gonna tell us that we’re not angry enough? Screw you!

Listen, you Orlando punk bitches, you think you guys are angry? How about you bring your dumb asses north? I’ll give you a taste of home-cooked bile and a tall, cool glass of shut the hell up! Oh, and Men’s Health, F**K YOU!

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