Saturday, November 11, 2006

You Want Answers?

You got 'em!

Grimjack asks, "If you delete a link to a site because you don't like what they said, does that make you a teenage girl?"

Grim, I answered this in the comments section, but I figured if I didn't link you here, you'd cry like a little bitch.

Insolublog asks, "What is your SYLG analysis of Matthew Lesko's gender preference(s)? (Based of course on your special unrivaled talent for judging people's character)"

Insol, in my unrivaled opinion, I believe that "Bruce" would be a better name for Mr. Lesko.

Fmragtops asks, "Faith Hill: Botched joke like her hero, John Kerry, or insane show-upmanship a la John Kerry after the '04 elections?"

Fm, I specifically warned against political questions, but since you're from Louisiana, you must read at a second-grade level. Heh. It appeared to me that she was deadly serious, which leads me to believe that she is becoming more like her scumbag Police Horse-stealing husband every day.

Molly asks, "If your wife asked you not to chew tobaco because she didn't want you to get oral cancer and have your face cut off, would you: A: Not chew tobaco B: Chew tobaco and hide the fact from your wife even though she always finds out and gets real pissed C: Tell your wife to butt out and hope you don't get mouth cancer and have your face cut off, or D: Chew anyway but hide it better from your wife?"

Molly, are you the spokesperson for Skoal? If my wife didn't want me to chew, I would probably just spit the tobacco juice in her iced tea - cause that's how I roll. Yeah, I'm going to hell.

Tyler D asks, "Why hasn't instapundit linked to my site?"

Ty, because you committed the unforgivable sin of not capitalizing the "I." Well, that, and the fact that you like Rammstein.

RT asks, "If you could program 24 hours of television, what would you put on TV?"

RT, that's easy: 24.

FIAR asks, "Does Fresca make you gay? [Not that there's anything wrong with that]"

Fitch, not really. Many real men drink Fresca. You know, like Richard Simmons, Lance Bass, and Liberace'. Nah, I'm just kidding. Living in Massachusetts makes you gay.

Crazy Politico asks, "If you are driving down the road and your banana gets a flat tire how many oranges would it take to fill a doghouse? (E-mail me for the answer if you need help.)"

CP, if my banana got a flat tire, forget the oranges, I'd reach for the Viagra.

Dragon Lady asks, "Where can I find a chart on post critical-incident suicides among police officers??!! I'm preparing for a presentation and can't find one anywhere."

DL, that reminds me of the time when I that scumbag pulled a gun on me and my partner. Thanks. Now, I'm really depressed. Where did I put my gun? KIDDING!!!

Insolublog asks, "Will eating Bacon!® cancel out any hypothetical gayness that may or may not be inherent in a soft drink? Let's take Fresca as an example."

Insol, Cripes, I hope so! Pandy eats a pound of bacon a day, and she's always pregnant . . . by a man! Speaking of Pandy . . .

Pandy asks, "Why the hell am I awake before 6 am?"

Pandy, it's because when you were awake, it was midnight at your former home on the east coast. At the same time, it was 9pm at your birthplace in California. Now, take the difference in these three time zones, and factor in the . . . uh, to answer your question, I don't know.

The Man asks, "Are aliens really about to attack? What does the Philly PD plan to do about it?"

TM, according to John McCain, there is not an alien problem in the United States. I disagree, and I think we are about to experience a blowback from the Mars Attacks offensive.

Little Miss Chatterbox asks, "How will Linc & his son find a way out of jail? And how will T-bag manage to avoid being arrested?"

LMC, The first one is easy. They will be pardoned by the incoming Democratic Congress. As for T-Bag, he will really have to "hand it" to the fast approaching police.

Vincent Antonelli asks, "Pete Rose: Hall of Fame or no?"

Vinnie, personally, I think he should be inducted. As for Pete, he bet me $100 that he won't.

Captain Den asks, "Is there a world record for scratching on the eight ball? If so what is it? How about on the break? Are all Russian women flamingly sexy or do they hide the ugly ones? What is the secret to Captainden's magic powers? Captainden RULES!"

Denny, If there is a world record, I broke it on Thursday night. Cripes! ALL Russian women (under 35 anyway) are flamingly sexy. Those over 35 are hidden in Siberia. And the secret to your magic powers is your Mighty Chrome Dome. It takes the sun's rays and converts it into snarky, wiseass comments.

Sssteve asks, "Who do you have a man crush on? I know you have one!"

Sssteve, it's no contest: Rosie O'Donnell.

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