Ride The Lightning

There is an old Russian proverb that states "Revenge is a dish best served cold." A few days ago, Captain Den held a "Wyatt Gimmick Contest," where he openly mocked me and my chosen profession. Of course, this could not go unpunished. So, in the proud tradition of Emeril, we're about to kick it up a notch, with some more filthy half-truths.

More Filthy Half-Truths About Captain Den

* In his endless pursuit of ed-u-ma-cation, Denny failed his remedial Spanish class. On his final exam, the professor wrote in red, "D-minus. Who do you think you are!!?" No surprise here, since he couldn't learn German, even though his wife was born and raised in the Rhine Valley!

* Despite his alleged penchant for heavy metal, Denny has an affinity for Christian Rock and has seen Stryper on numerous occasions. He even runs their website: Stryper - Only God Saves More!

* Denny earned his PFD captain's bars as part of the city's affirmative action program. That's right, he filed a suit for bald applicants everywhere.

* Denny is not exactly a member of high society. He once attended a black tie gala with his trademark ensemble; a black Harley Davidson t-shirt and blue jeans.

* Denny was a tanker during his stint in the army. In fact, he was the precedent for "Don't ask, don't tell."

You're move, Denrick!