An Important Message For America

Good evening, my fellow Americans. I address you as such, since I will never be in the position to officially address the nation. My name is Joe Biden, and I am a liberal moonbat Democrat senator from Delaware: the home of tax-free shopping, and intellect-free voting. Today I am officially announcing my intention to run for President in 2008 . . . for the umpteenth time. I mean, the umpteenth time is the charm, right?

I believe that I have what it takes to lead this country in a bold new direction. During the few minutes a day when I am not engaged in partisan fighting and taking cheap shots at my political opponents, I am continually striving to improve my state. Tell me, who pimps their state out more than I do? Delaware is all over the news, has become the Hollywood of the East, and has even been featured in the film Wayne’s World!

Additionally, I have an encyclopedic knowledge of this great nation’s rich political history, and can quote our former presidents verbatim. Oh sure, I usually pass off their quotes as my own, but those rubes, I mean constituents, couldn’t tell the difference.

When I look at my party’s candidates for the 2008 campaign, I am less than impressed. Senator Clinton has done nothing politically, except marry well. If that were considered a qualification for the most powerful position on earth, John Kerry and Kevin Federline would be the current front-runners! John Edwards hasn’t learned his lesson from 2004, and frankly, I believe that Al Sharpton would garner more votes than this metrosexual.

And then there’s Barack.

Personally, I have nothing against Barack Hussein Obama, but the fact that he is a former dictator and a terrorist mastermind makes me think he may not be the best man to lead this country. What’s that? You mean there’s a Saddam Hussein and there is an Osama bin Laden? So I guess none of these thugs are related to Barack Obama then? Oh. How embarrassing. Well, I’d better say some nice things about the man now. Here goes.

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy," he said. "I mean, that's a storybook, man."

What? Why's everyone folding up the "Crazy" Joe Biden in '08 Banners?