My 1999 Saturn SC2 has pretty much had it, and it reminds me of this fact almost daily. When it rains, the passenger side door leaks. When it snows, the brakes shudder and shake. When it's sunny, everyone can see the chipped paint. Even in the lousy neighborhood where I work, no one wants to steal the damned thing! Long story short - I know, too late - I am actively searching for my next ride. Thankfully, I have a few vehicles in mind:
1. The Main Force Patrol's V8 Interceptor. The last of the V8's is surely good enough for this humble blogger. It's wicked bad, but I will require a working supercharger/blower for that extra boost while driving on I-95. Oh, and as an added bonus, I wonder if the dealership will rig the gas tanks to explode if someone tries to steal it . . . or if the wife tries to borrow it for shopping?
2. The Pontiac GTO. With the possible exception of Asia Argento, this little beauty was the best thing about XXX. The after-market version - complete with machine guns, a flamethrower, and rockets - is preferable for those times when you're stuck behind an old man in a hat driving a car ten times his size. Imagine, this dream will be the end of rude people flipping you off, seniors driving for twenty miles with their turn signals activated, and the liberal hippies with the "Save the Whales" bumper stickers. Heh.
3. The Tumbler. Ah, Batman, what would highway travel be like without your wisdom? The Tumbler is nigh invulnerable, so there's no reason to leave a note after sideswiping a row of cars. It comes equipped with a weapons system and small mines which can be deployed from the rear - perfect for those tailgating jerks. Stuck in traffic? Just drive over your friends and neighbors! You'll never be late for work again. Okay, the Tumbler isn't exactly roomy, but since the wife owns the minivan, we can compromise a tad. I'm not sure of the sticker price of my choices, but since JimmyB thinks money is no object for Philly cops, I am sure I can buy at least two of the three.
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