Just Shoot HIM!

Editor's Note: The following story is 100% true, and I'm still enraged by it.

And the bad day continued . . .

After work, I trudged off to lacrosse practice, and watched as my team collapsed before my eyes. Long story short: we aren't ready for the season. Unfortunately, our first scrimmage is in 16 hours. And I'm still sick. Damnit.

So, I'm driving home when I come to an intersection. I have the red light, and three African-American utes - yes, I did say "utes" - were crossing in front of my car. The oldest of the trio was eleven years old . . . maybe. The oldest is last in line, and slows down in front of my car. I look up from the radio tuner, and he looks at me, smiles, and holds up a black revolver.

I should mention here that although it was black and gray, I knew it was a toy. A realistic-looking toy, but a toy nonetheless. I knew it was a toy; a civilian may not have come to the same conclusion, but I digress.

The little cherub held the revolver in front of his face, with the muzzle pointed away from me. I guess he was ballsy, but not that ballsy. He smiles again, and mutters something that ended with "Whitey." (Hooray, I am now "Whitey!") Immediately thereafter, he pulls the revolver to his face, and kisses the chamber. He smiles again, gives me "the stare," and finishes crossing the street.

As I stared him down, enraged, I figured I had three options:

1. Identify myself as a police officer, pull my service weapon, smite him; thus saving humanity from more dullard children, and gleefully drive away.

2. Return his "Whitey" comment with the "N"-word, smite him, then smite his friends (and his friends' friends) before gleefully driving away.

3. Bite my tongue, say nothing, and drive away in anger.

Unfortunately for the future of humanity, I chose option #3. Why? Well, it's only partly because I'm a pussy. I figured that if I confronted this piece of human filth, even after identifying myself, I would be sued for harassment and other nonsensical issues. Someone would get my tag number, and this toad's parents would cry police brutality, even though I would have been perfectly justified in shooting this scum.

The real problem I had here - besides the fact that a pre-teen probably shouldn't be threatening people with a toy gun - is that this sort of behavior is acceptable. Hell, it's not only acceptable, it is encouraged in some poorer communities. I mean, if Biggie and Tupac can pack heat, why can't an eleven year old? The result: our thugs are getting younger . . . and dumber. And if a gun-toting civilian shot this prick dead, the media would have crucified him, the thug's family would have told everyone he was a model child/citizen, and the civilian would be brought up on charges. Bet on it.

Considering all of those possible outcomes, I just drove away.