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The Top Five Secrets of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
5. Hogwarts School does not allow black students.
4. Ron Weasley was expelled for abusing his "magic wand."
3. Dumbledore only wishes he was dead: he's spending time in Cleveland.
2. Hermione Granger? Post-op transsexual.
And the number one secret of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is . . .
1. Harry Potter has perfect eyesight. The glasses are a fashion statement.
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