Barry Bonds: Home Run King*

Well, it's inevitable. That gigantic-headed, (alleged) steroid-using, obnoxious scumbag Barry Bonds will surpass Hank Aaron as baseball's home run king*. And it may happen tonight. Of course, since baseball (and Bonds) is a fraud, I won't be watching the game, so I will try not to see any of these . . .

The Top Ten Ways Barry Bonds Will Celebrate Home Run #756

10. Give Bud Selig and Hank Aaron the finger.
9. Take a whiz off the Golden Gate Bridge.
8. Strangle a hooker in the dugout with his game jersey.
7. Humbly thank the hometown fans. Bawahahahahahaha!!!
6. Perjure himself during the post-game interview.
5. Blame George Bush because he didn't hit #756 sooner.
4. Visit San Francisco's most expensive gay bath house.
3. Smack his wife over the left field fence.
2. Make out with Nancy Pelosi at home plate.

And the number one way Barry Bonds will celebrate home run #756 is . . .

1. Two words: steroid colonic!