Gentlemen, Trust Me, Do Not Read This Post!

Guys, if you ever find yourself in Oklahoma, for the love of God, do not miss Mass!

OKLAHOMA CITY, Okla. -- Aggravated assault charges have been filed against a church deacon and University of Oklahoma Sooners fan after officials say he grabbed a University of Texas fan between the legs during a scuffle in an Oklahoma bar.

Okay, so it was a fight amongst rival college football fans. So what?

A couple of months before the annual Red River Shootout between the Sooners and Longhorns, words were exchanged at Henry Hudson's Pub between Allen Beckett, 53, and Brian Thomas. Witnesses said it was because Thomas was wearing a UT T-shirt.

Big deal. We throw batteries at people who wear Dallas Cowboys jerseys to Eagles games. It's all in good fun. (Snarkasm.)

Neither Thomas or Beckett chose to comment, but the police report described what happened to the victim, including graphic details about his injuries that included a torn scrotal sack with partially exposed testicles.

WHOA!!! WHOA!!! WHAT THE HELL??? WHAT THE HELL???

Beckett's attorney, Billy Bock, said his client's actions were in self-defense. (H/T - NBC5i.com)

Self-defense? Self-defense?? Are you kidding me??? There is NO defense for kicking a man in the won tons, let alone ripping them out of their warm, comfy satchel. It's part of The Code! The man could have murdered your entire family, shot all of your friends, and burned your house down, and you still have no right to approach his "tender area." It's not right, and it's giving me the heebee-jeebies just thinking about it.

In my professional opinion, Deacon Beckett deserves the worst punishment imaginable: having his jimmies torn out by one of Michael Vick's dogs.

In honor of this horrific and disturbing story - and since the guys didn't listen to me and read the post anyway - I'll leave you this . . .

By the way, if the Family Guy clip doesn't come up, it's not my fault: You Tube has been really slow today.

(Linked to OTB's Beltway Traffic Jam.)