The State Of The Blog Address

As you know, the last week and a half has been a personal nightmare, not just for me, but for the entire Philadelphia Police Department. Chuck Cassidy's assassination really hit me hard, and while I am trying to get things back to normal around here, I am not sure what "normal" is anymore. As a result, the blog has suffered for it. There hasn't been much "funny" around here lately, and I am writing with a one-track mind. For that I am sorry.

I also have not done a People I Hate segment since the shooting. While regular readers may think that these past two weeks were the perfect time for a PIH, I seem to be going the other way. Simply stated, I just don't have it in me. Don't get me wrong, I am still very angry about the whole ordeal, and firmly believe that John Lewis should be sentenced to death, but emotionally, I don't have a whole lot left besides grief and guilt. There's little room in there for hate.

With that in mind, I am announcing the end of the People I Hate segment for the foreseeable future.

Similarly, RT sent me a juicy story about John Street yesterday. She wrote that she wanted me to go all "snarkastic" on it. I declined, because I haven't been in the mood for an angry rant. I may post about it in a humorous manner, but snarkasm isn't coming freely anymore, either.

In short, I think something is really wrong with me.

I have been lucky. I haven't had anyone close to me die for a fairly long time. There have been acquaintances and distant relatives, but no one really close. When Chuck died, I thought I could handle it in my usual way: reserved emotional distance. Instead, the opposite happened. While I was not great friends with Chuck, I mourned for him on a daily basis. I still do. I may have been this way when my grandparents died years ago, but I simply don't remember. I can't get the event out of my head, and I still beat myself up for being rude to him when we last talked. Irish Catholic Guilt: is there anything worse?

These emotions may be normal. I don't know. What I do know is this: I don't want to be the sarcastic, rude, insensitive jerk that I have become here. While "Wyatt" is most times my alter ego, I'd rather not the real me become like the person I am here. I've said before that I don't think I am a good person, and that was not for sympathy. Sometimes my life has been hard, and when it was, my first instinct was to lash out in anger. Sometimes in the blog world, that is considered funny. In hindsight, there are better ways to be funny than always at the expense of the real people in my life.

My purpose from the start here was to make people laugh. Sometimes I have been successful, sometimes not. It is still my number one goal, but I think I am a decent enough writer to juggle being funny without being a sarcastic jerk all of the time.

Now before you all log off of this blog forever, I want you to know that when a story (like the Street story) calls for sarcasm, you will get it. And when someone needs an angry rant, they will get that, too. But bile will not be the first literary weapon of choice here anymore. I'd like that to die with PIH. I am truly sorry if this announcement disappoints you, but it was either this or kill the blog. And I respect my readers too much to quit now.

Again, thank you all so very much for your support. I owe all a debt I can never repay.

This is RPC 35T1: The vehicle Chuck was driving when he was murdered. For the funeral services, our police garage added Chuck's badge and the mourning crepe. I think they did a terrific job.